Gut Rumbles
 

May 02, 2006

Austin awards

After this post, I'm not gonna write any more about the Blown-Star Blog Meet except to post an occasional link to some pictures, since I fucked up and didn't take any myself, even though I brought my camera. If you were there, you'll understand my selections. If you WEREN'T there, that's your tough shit. You'll just have to trust me.

best stunt driver. Not only does he jump curbs in a single bound in the hotel parking lot, he also drives a flaming Cadillac. The man obviously is a shameless attention-whore.

oldest fart. Heh. He's got me beat by almost ten years, but he can talk your ears off.

best instigator. This is the man who managed to work "flaming chipmunks" into a one-sided conversation while maintaining a straight face. Everyone listening was impressed. (I think "The Flaming Chipmunks" would make a good name for a rock & roll band.) He also resembles a mime when he wears an excess of sun-screen on his face.

least grouchy. I don't care WHAT he calls himself. He is a pleasure to be around, and a damn good kazoo-player, too.

prettiest smile. What do you expect? Her husband is a dentist. She's got pretty toes, too.

fiestiest mama. NOT Christina--- her mama, who tells hilarious dirty jokes in mixed company and makes some of the best fried won-tons I've ever tasted. I almost filled up eating those before I attacked the delicious barbecue at The Salt Lick. I shoulda told HER a fart-joke. I'll bet she would have laughed.

my favorite yankee (male category). Okay, he's from Joisey and he's a got-dam lawyer. But he plays guitar and has the most enviable head of thick graying silver hair I've ever seen. If I'm ever in deep shit, I want him on my side. I suspect that he may have Mafia connections.

my favorite yankee (female category). This tall, good-looking woman had a long drive to arrive, and she fell asleep at the wheel along the way. this guy had to wake her up. I'm glad that they didn't crash, but she told that story in most excellent fashion. She already had HER toenails painted red for the occasion, dammit! I never had the chance to "do" her. But I'm hoping for a next time...

best zonker. What can I say? A blog-meet is NOT a blog-meet without a Zonker. He's also a very chivalrous Southern gentleman. If you don't believe ME, just ask her. Zonk changed his flight home to protect her (and the bun in the oven) from Homeland Security.

most displaced rebel. This guy needs to move to Jawja. Preferably to Effingham County. I think he would like the fishin,' shootin' and bullshittin' we do around here.

best acorn off the old oak tree. Some don't fall far from the source. Did YOU know that barbecue comes with "Sooo-ah-us" on it? Neither did I, until I heard her say it. If she weren't already taken and I didn't like her father so much, I mighta made a letcherous move on her...

best designated driver. Thank you for everything you did, darlin.' Especially for chauffering my Cracker ass around Texas.

least like what I expected. I'm smoking the cigar he gave me as I type. Marcus is younger and more quiet than the mental image I formed from his blog. But I'll let you in on a secret--- he likes pretty, feminine toes as much as I do.

most dignity, with debauchery. I was gonna name him "My Favorite Jew," but I figured that somebody would get their panties in a wad and denounce me as a racist anti-semite if I did that, so I didn't. He gave me a really nice trophy. I'm kinda sorry that I let loose that prize-winning fart in his car on the way back from the Salt Lick. I'll do ANYTHING for attention.

best tee shirt. It pays to advertise. Since I'm out of Gut Rumbles bumper stickers, I think I'll move into tee shirts next.

father of flaming chipmunks. Don't ask. You had to be there...

biggest risk-taker. She came to the blog-meet not knowing what to expect. Even her worst nightmares didn't come close to what she found. Intrepid, I tell you! Intrepid!

ten pound titty award. Okay, they are a mere nine and one-half pounds now, but they were perfect TENS once upon a time. So SHE says. I'm still trying to figure out how she weighed those things.

Okay, that's enough. If I left you off this link-fest, it's NOT because I don't like you. I just ran out of gas--- that's all.

(UPDATE: I AM NOT in this picture.)

Comments

hahahaha...great summation!

You are not what I expected either!
I was looking for "wall-to-wall and tree top tall.!"
Eventually, I did realize that is exactly what I got in meeting you.
It was a distinct pleasure for me. You're a good ol' cracker!

Posted by: marcus on May 2, 2006 04:38 PM

I could listen to you play guitar all day long. Oh wait. I did!

It was a true pleasure, Acidman. It really was.

Posted by: Bou on May 2, 2006 04:49 PM

It was good to finally meet you, Acidman. I hope you had good time in Texas. Sorry I missed the guitar playing, but I won't next time.

Posted by: Dash on May 2, 2006 04:53 PM

Well I thought I was your fav female yankee, I'm so hurt now dammit! And they are not 9.5 lbs now, you should know that!

Posted by: livey on May 2, 2006 05:00 PM

You are correct, Mr. Smith, she is the Feistiest Momma!

I think she stole the show Friday night; however, I am a bit biased where she is concerned.

; )

Posted by: Christina on May 2, 2006 06:35 PM

Kicked to the curb... as always. I am all torn up here.

Posted by: Yogimus on May 2, 2006 08:11 PM

You ran out of "gas"? Seems like you're always in good supply of that; I'm shocked! :)

Posted by: Lisa on May 2, 2006 10:04 PM

You couldn't possibly believe I'd show up with naked toe nails when meeting the infamous Acidman, could you?!?!?!!

Thank you Sir, for the kind words.

And so you know - I could have listen to y'all playin' music for days!!! An absolute treat.

Posted by: Tammi on May 2, 2006 10:20 PM

Rob, you have no idea how good it was to see that you have pulled (or *are* pulling) out of that self-destructive hole. You're a fighter by nature and it delights me to see that you've not given up. Fight the good fight, Rob, and I look forward to seeing you at many more future blogmeets.

Posted by: zonker on May 3, 2006 12:55 AM

As always, a pleasure.

Posted by: Jim - PRS on May 3, 2006 09:05 AM

Oh, you sweet, saaaawwwcy fella!

Dad has told me many times what a great guy you are and that it's a pleasure to know you. I was delighted to find the same to be true (and then some)!

Can't wait to see you at the next one of these shindigs.

Posted by: TJ on May 3, 2006 11:13 AM
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