Gut Rumbles
 

April 26, 2006

ass-chapping

As I was driving to my grandmother's house on Sunday, I damn near had a wreck on DeRenne Avenue in Savannah. I was in the right lane and a big SUV was next to me in the left lane. As we tooled down the road side by side, the big car suddenly started drifting over into my lane.

I honked my horn, but the car kept coming, forcing me to slam on brakes to avoid a collision. My action triggered a similar reaction in cars all around me as THEY slammed on brakes, too. I suppose that all the excitement finally alerted the driver of the SUV that something was wrong, because the car swerved abruptly back into its proper lane.

I saw my chance, so I passed that crazy bastid in the SUV. I ignored the pain in my shoulder as I hung a raised middle finger out of my window. I let loose a stream of curses fit to wake the dead. Then I saw the driver.

It was a black woman, oblivious to everything except the cell phone pressed to her head.

I wanted to KILL that bitch. Drag her ass right outta that SUV and shoot her there in the street. Then, I wanted to pry that cell phone from her cold, dead hand, stomp it to bits and shove the pieces right up her chatty ass. Sideways.

I was pissed. I was pissed at HER, at got-dam CELL PHONES and at the dumb bastard responsible for the 19th Amendment. People like her shouldn't be allowed to drive, let alone vote. Asshole.

I know one thing she would be good at. She would fit right in working at a 7-11 store.

Comments

"She would fit right in working at a 7-11 store. "

What have you got againast 7-11 stores other than the fact they charge double the price for everything from a bottle of Pepsi to a gal of milk and hire some of the dummest sumbitches who ever tried to chew gum and walk and the same time.

Posted by: GUYK on April 26, 2006 12:39 PM

Ummmm ... what stopped you?

Posted by: maggot on April 26, 2006 12:49 PM

Good thing you don't have any guns.

If you had been one of those insane bastards with a small roscoe who must travel everywhere with a gun to compensate for it, that gun would have jumped right up into your hands and started shooting at that bitch.

But, as you've reminded us before, you don't have any of those evil guns. Nope. Not you.

Posted by: FishOrMan on April 26, 2006 12:49 PM

Some of the worst are the ones who don't merge onto the freeway properly at entrance ramps. They feel it's the obligation of the freeway drivers to find them a spot.

Posted by: Tessa on April 26, 2006 01:35 PM

I've had people come up to me at work with their phone in their ear, bitching and raising hell at their SO. All that, while trying to explain a problem with their car.

I've been known to just turn around and walk off on em...gets em real pissed to.

Posted by: Mrite on April 26, 2006 02:46 PM

It wasn't Cynthia McKinney was it?

Posted by: FLorida Bill on April 26, 2006 03:43 PM

I could rant for days about idiot drivers. I'm so tired of all the stupid people. I'm sure if you HAD done what you had wanted, you would've had a cheering audience around you. Boneheads...

Posted by: Lisa on April 26, 2006 04:56 PM

I don't blame the cellphones. People who drive like that are just plain stupid, and if it wasn't the cellphone it's be something else.

Come on, what makes anybody think taking away an idiot's cellphone is going to suddenly make him/her/it an intelligent lifeform?

Posted by: McGehee on April 26, 2006 09:30 PM

Rob, I work off DeRenne - at Memorial Hospital. Do you know how many motor vehicle crash victims we get EVERY DAY because of cell phones?! You should have pulled her out and given her a beating with the cell phone - and drove her to the ER. We would have finished the job.

Posted by: heather on April 26, 2006 10:29 PM

I really try hard not to scream things like "stupid motherfucker" and "get off yer goddamn cellphone you idiot" with my kids in the car.

But somehow I just lose good judgement in these situations involving SUVs and people yapping away on cell phones oblivious to all else.

So the kids go home and parrot every nasty thing that I bellowed and the husband gives me "the look"

I just can't win.

Posted by: Donna on April 29, 2006 02:24 PM
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