Gut Rumbles
 

April 21, 2006

Earth Day

Tomorrow is earth day 2006. I am busy making preparations to celebrate this glorious event.

*I changed the oil in both of my vehicles. Tomorrow, I will dump the used motor oil down a storm drain to return it to Nature, from which it came. It's my way of recycling.

*I'm going to crank up my chainsaw and cut down some old-growth forest. Then, I'm going to drag the wood into a big pile, soak it with diesel fuel and set it on fire. That'll be my Shrine to Gaia and it ought to be pretty impressive. You should be able to see the smoke for miles.

*I intend to kill and eat an Endangered Species for lunch.

*Afterward, I will fart mightily and frequently, spewing copious amounts of greenhouse gas outta my Cracker ass and into the atmosphere. The planet isn't warm enough to suit me now.

*I PERSONALLY will drill for oil in the ANWR and shoot any caribu that get in my way.

*I'm going to drain a swamp fragile wetland and build a Wal-Mart on the dry land I create. I'll have special reserved parking spaces for gas-guzzling SUVs, right up front, where the frogs and fishes once played. (I love the smell of asphalt in the morning... it smells like civilization...)

*I'm going to visit a local elementary school on Monday, wear my Al Gore disguise, stand outside and yell, "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!" until I make the children cry.

Those are just some of my plans for celebrating Earth Day. I really want to do my part to Save The Planet--- from environmentalists.

Comments

I think you need to have a concert to raise "awareness".

Posted by: Titan Mk6B on April 21, 2006 09:13 AM

... caribou are pretty tasty.... I don't blame you one bit....

Posted by: Eric on April 21, 2006 09:24 AM

Eat meat. Lots of meat. For the children.

Posted by: Jeffro on April 21, 2006 09:25 AM

(homer)MMMmmmmMMMM endangered SPEcies!(/homer)

Posted by: BlogDog on April 21, 2006 09:28 AM

Hmmmm, I dont consider myself an environmentalist wacko, but seeing as how we have a well for our water supply, we dont dump anything on the ground in the way of motor oil, gasoline or paint thinner....(since we dont want to wind up DRINKING IT)

Posted by: Ruth on April 21, 2006 09:29 AM

Ahhhh Earth Day, I remember the first one very well.
I celebrated by taking the fiberglass off my greenhouse roof and burning it. Big black rolling smoke. Ahhh Earth Day, returned the fiberglass from whence it came.

Posted by: Ruth H on April 21, 2006 09:31 AM

OMG!!! Thanks for reminding me. I'm ordering some pretty hydrilla for my lakeside greenie weenie neighbors and kudzu for the interior dwellers. Great way to share my appreciation of how delicate nature can be. Who knows? Maybe they will elect me as head of their next "Clean Like You Mean It" campaign.

Posted by: Tessa on April 21, 2006 09:55 AM

After all the garlic bread I ate last night, I think I might have punched another hole in the ozone layer all my myself...

Posted by: Elisson on April 21, 2006 10:15 AM

Hub and I saw "Thank you for Smoking" last weekend. At one point there is an environmentalist on the screen. In large type on the bottom of the screen the word "Pussies" is flashed for a second. We were absolutely howling. Great film. Completely politically incorrect. *grin*

Posted by: Evilicious Blonde on April 21, 2006 10:21 AM

You crack me up.

Posted by: Maeve on April 21, 2006 10:41 AM

Lets all Thank our lucky stars that there are enviorenmentaly aware people like yourself

Without your ilk life would be way to boring.

Posted by: Arathorn on April 21, 2006 11:56 AM

*I changed the oil in both of my vehicles. Tomorrow, I will dump the used motor oil down a storm drain to return it to Nature, from which it came. It's my way of recycling."

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

If it wasn't for the gotdam detergent in it you could plow it into your garden. Oil makes pretty good fertilizer but you will never get the enviro nuts to admit to it.

Posted by: GUYK on April 21, 2006 12:11 PM

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.

This means you should use the oil to light the logs, rather than using perfectly good diesel fuel.

Plus it'll burn smokier, I bet.

Posted by: Sigivald on April 21, 2006 01:04 PM

A-man, you are one BAD boy!

Posted by: Bonita on April 21, 2006 06:28 PM

What, no burning tires?

Interestingly, the very first Earth Day (April 22, 1970), was the 100th anniversary of Vladimir Lenin's birth (April 22, 1870). Draw your own conclusions.

Posted by: Tom on April 21, 2006 08:13 PM
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