Gut Rumbles

February 10, 2006

not excited

The opening ceremony for the 2006 Winter Olympics was today. I have a confession to make: I don't give a shit.

Maybe it's because I spent most of my life living around Savannah, Georgia, where the weather is NOT conducive to snow and ice, and I never played any of the games featured in these Olympics. Of course, the ancient Greeks didn't play those games, either, but I'm not going to quibble about why the hell we even HAVE winter Olympics in the first place. I'm just going to say that they suck.

The only two events I can bear to watch are the downhill ski races and wimmen's figure skating. The downhill is entertaining because a few people usually bust their asses in spectacular crashes. That's always fun to watch, especially when they take out that flimsy racecourse fence and roll a long way in the snow. I get a real kick out of seeing that.

Wimmen's figure skating is simply beautiful. I lust like the skimpy costumes, the fine asses and lovely legs on the skaters. I also imagine how stiff their nipples must get under those skimpy costumes. After all, they ARE skating around on a big block of ice... it's gotta be cold out there... and I know what happens to nipples when they get cold. I fantasize about various ways of warming them up.

I can tolerate a little bit of the bobsled races and the ski jumping, because there's always the possibility of a royal ass-busting in those events, too, but those are too rare to make watching the uneventful runs worthwhile. The rest of that crap just leaves me cold, if you'll pardon the pun. Cross-country skiing? Curling? Any of those snow-athalons? Fahgedaboudit. I'd rather watch paint dry.

I'm about as interested in the Winter Olympics as I am in learning to ice-fish, which I'm not interested in at all, except to suggest that it should be an Olympic event.

Why NOT? It would be just as exciting to watch as most of that other stuff.


I like watching the bobsleds and luge but my favorite is hockey! Now there's a sport to get excited about.

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on February 10, 2006 07:16 PM

I don't like it either....I was bombarded when they came to Savannah in 96 and have never liked the damn olympics since.

Posted by: Steph on February 10, 2006 08:48 PM

I have no interest in overpaid athletes, cheating, big money, and corruption...and thats all the "Olympics" are these other words....fakes, phonies, and thanks...

Posted by: Ruth on February 10, 2006 09:01 PM

Short track speed skating. Seven or eight guys all on the track at once, and it bears a striking resemblance to the action at Martinsville or Bristol.

Also that downhill snowboard race, where they have several snowboarders on the downhill course all at once, trying to be the first one down. Lots of crashing, lots of havoc.

Unlike judged events, the two noted above involve someone trying to get across the finish line first, i.e., one winner, and a bunch of losers.

Posted by: Mike James on February 10, 2006 09:36 PM

Geez...did ya catch the opening ceremonies? It started with what looked like an Oompa Loompa Hell and moved up to dancing with cows. And Euroweenies laugh at our culture? They also played American music as the atheletes walked in. I guess they're in a love/hate relationship with us.

Posted by: DixieDarlin' on February 10, 2006 09:56 PM

Speedskating. It rocks.

Posted by: Ole Eichhorn on February 11, 2006 01:02 AM

If there is a royal ass-busting, it gets replayed quite often, so if you miss the initial event, you can catch it later.

Posted by: Cythen on February 11, 2006 01:09 AM

I kind of like the winter Olympics myself. I'm a former skier so I like all the downhill ski events and I like the figure skating. I don't like the summer one that much. I find watching swimming and foot races boring and I think gymnastics, except for the uneven bars, aren't as interesting as skating.

But I don't watch either of them that much. It's really become too overhyped and commercial, like every other event these days.

Posted by: Libby on February 11, 2006 08:25 AM

Rob; You are right on about those hard butts, but those girls are not cold. Skating makes you sweat, which is also sexy.

You are wrong about ice fishing too. One of my fondest memories as an 11 year old was going fishing with my dad and his buddy Alexander Gregorvich Fechenko III. Al would talk to the fish in Russian and share his flask of blackberry brandy when I got cold. May they both rest in peace.

Posted by: Ivan Ivanovich on February 11, 2006 09:11 AM

The only events I care to watch or know about are the ones they don't televise: Biathalon and the other shooting events. The MSM pretends they don't exist, unless of course we medal in the event.

Posted by: Jim on February 11, 2006 09:35 AM

I would think a football fan would find ice hockey moderately amusing.

Posted by: Brett on February 12, 2006 09:09 AM
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