Gut Rumbles

February 01, 2006

how to piss off wimmen

As soon as I saw the title of this article, I knew that it was written by a woman. I didn't need to read the by-line. "4 Things He Doesn't Want to Talk About - Ever" just REEKS of estrogen and bullshit. (Excuse me for being redundant.)

#1) What He's Doing Wrong in the Sack Just sample this giggly bit of feminine insight: "You think it's just good natured kidding, but he finds your little jokes about his size or staying power neither funny nor cute." Oh, really? Let's just turn that one around.

"You think it's just good-natured kidding, but SHE finds your little jokes about HER fat ass, droopy tits and the fact that HER pussy is the size of a mayonnaise jar but not nearly as much fun to fuck neither funny nor cute."

C'mon, wimmen. Admit it. You'd laugh so hard you'd roll right off the bed if a man said that to YOU, right? Guys just have no sense of humor when you make witty jokes about their bodies or their sexual shortcomings. Thank Bejus that wimmen don't have that problem.

#2) Celebrity Gossip WTF? Only some celebrity-obsessed loser with no life of her own would even THINK to include this subject on a top-four list of ANYTHING. Besides, guys LOVE celebrity gossip. Mention Lorena Bobbitt and see if you don't get his undivided attention.

#3) Your Food and Body Image Issues True. That's called "WHINING" or "ACTING FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD" and men don't like it. It makes them think of Lorena Bobbitt.

#4) Other People's Relationships "Many women have a natural need to know what's going on around them." Horse shit. Most wimmen simply are prying, rumor-spreading busybodies who see life through a distorted lens, thanks to digesting too many soap operas and too many romance novels when they aren't busy gossiping. They can read between the lines of a blank page, but usually have no clue what's ACTUALLY going on around them. If they did, they'd be better drivers.

Now... if this post doesn't piss off a few wimmen, I'm losing my manly touch.


NONE of those could be used to discribe me.

Posted by: Lil Toni on February 1, 2006 06:39 PM

Acidman, there was too many funny aspects of that post to tick off any woman.....I hate those articles, too.

Posted by: A Different Kim on February 1, 2006 07:03 PM


Posted by: MM on February 1, 2006 07:03 PM

Uh hem.....There WERE too many funny aspects....I best be learning some grammir, two!

Posted by: A Different Kim on February 1, 2006 07:04 PM

Don't sugar coat it, Acidman, tell us what you really think...

Posted by: BobG on February 1, 2006 07:11 PM

Hell, I still love ya.

*hugs and a smooch on the forehead*

Posted by: Stevie on February 1, 2006 07:19 PM

LOL. Sorry to disappoint. I'm not pissed off, but I do think you're manly as shit anyway, Acidman. And, as if you weren't fishing for it, you're sexy and genuine too.

Now on that note, if I could get back to my original thought from the last post, all these fine wimmen showed you theirs, how about showing us your toes or any other body part you'd care to share with us.

I think that would be really sexy.

Posted by: Libby on February 1, 2006 07:43 PM

I didn't see any jest in Acidman's points. I saw facts. At the risk of getting pounded again for saying how much more power women have than men, I believe it's a fact, whether we're talking about setting moral boundaries, having advantages in divorce court, or not being required to sign up for the draft when we're 18. One of the biggest problems many women have is seeing past their own selfishness and remembering that men are human beings who have a lot less control over their lives than women, particularly if they are married (or divorced) with children. And, don't forget choice when it comes to abortion. Women have all the power there, as well. Too many areas to mention.

Posted by: Tessa on February 1, 2006 08:01 PM

Rob. All I got to say is "You Rock!" I almost blew soda through my nose when I was reading this.

Posted by: assrot on February 1, 2006 08:08 PM

I'd be pissed, but you're right. All of it. And yeah, that tagline does reek of the Oxygen channel.

Posted by: Cythen on February 1, 2006 08:38 PM

Not offended here...sorry...I tend to think of women on the whole as whiny pissy creatures. But I tend to think the same of most men as well.

Posted by: Steph on February 1, 2006 10:08 PM

I've actually seen bold-faced hypocrisy in women about issues like this. Here's one I notice a lot -- girls drool over celebrity men, but they're absolutely opposed to us doing the same. Not EVERY woman.

Just every one I've dated, known, or heard about...

Posted by: Adam Lawson on February 1, 2006 11:12 PM

the fact that HER pussy is the size of a mayonnaise jar but not nearly as much fun to fuck neither funny nor cute


Posted by: rightisright on February 1, 2006 11:21 PM

I do love women. However. As one of our early astronauts was want to say: "Fuckin' -A Bubba!"

Posted by: Will on February 1, 2006 11:47 PM

Might piss of some of the 'girls', but I don't know too many women who would do anything but ROFL if they even bothered to read that kind of sappy 'girly' drivel. What a crock of hippopotamus feces. That's not 'feminine insight' , it's pure jr-high airhead cheerleader pap. Any woman worthy of the designation left that shit behind her with her Clearsil and her pom-poms. WTF are YOU doing reading it in the first place?

Posted by: Marianne on February 2, 2006 02:24 AM

Nope. You're losing your manly touch on that one, sorry.

Posted by: Kelly on February 2, 2006 06:30 AM

"the fact that HER pussy is the size of a mayonnaise jar but not nearly as much fun to fuck neither funny nor cute"

Depends on whether the jar is full or empty.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on February 2, 2006 10:07 AM

If a guy told me my pussy was the size of a mayonnaise jar, I'd say his dick was too small and suggest he go talk to that smiling idiot Bob on those commercials that are so annoying.

Posted by: livey on February 2, 2006 11:11 AM

My husband just gets tired of me talking, period. It doesn't matter what I'm talking about. Poor guy just humors me most of the time, nodding his head and amen-ing.

Posted by: Danielle on February 2, 2006 11:30 AM

You know, not all women are like your ex-wife. Now that you're sober, you might wanna talk to a professional about why you hate women as much as cats.

Posted by: Karla on February 2, 2006 11:38 AM

They can read between the lines of a blank page, but usually have no clue what's ACTUALLY going on around them. If they did, they'd be better drivers.

I can guarandamntee you I drive better than you, especially at night.

Posted by: Surfie on February 2, 2006 03:37 PM

You forgot the part about women being completely and totally insane.

Posted by: maggot on February 2, 2006 03:45 PM

insane.. yes... our mothers do that to us.

Is it normal to be learning how to bake at age 36? Hell i just did a tuneup on the truck and spent six hours playin bass for a bunch of dudes who couldn't hold the beat down to save their asses. my husband's been asleep all day. Maybe he really *is* the smart one... meanwhile, i'm heading out shortly to outdrink my new drummer.

Posted by: pril on February 4, 2006 10:04 PM
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