Gut Rumbles
 

January 27, 2006

help!

If you Google "computer fucktard," guess who is the #1 hit?

Yep... it's ME, and I deserve that rank. I am a got-dam blithering ignoramus, dumb as a red brick and fucked up as a football bat when it comes to ANYTHING on a computer that's more complicated than turning the bastard on. I am a techno-ass. I am a poet, not a programmer.

If you go back and read my very early archives, you'll learn that I paid a 15 year-old kid named Scott, the son of my friend Steve Hamby, $100 to teach me how to make a link, how to put up a blogroll and how to install a hit counter on my site. I had been blogging for about a month at the time, without knowing how to link to ANYTHING. Later, this woman showed me how to do italics, strikes and block quotes. That all happened about four years ago.

I haven't progressed much since.

Somebody told me that the files are ready for the ads I want to run on my page. The files are INSTALLED on my page setup, too. I don't understand how he KNOWS that, because I can't find the shittin' files ANYWHERE and HE shouldn't be able to get into where they ought to be stored.

Even if I COULD find the damn things, I have no clue how to make the ad show on my page. I'm about to blow a wonderful opportunity to MAKE SOME MONEY from blogging, because I am one more temper tantrum away from saying "FUCK THIS!!!!" and ditching the whole idea.

I need some help. I need somebody wise and computer literate, with sympathy for an idiot, who can tell me what to do. Hell, if you WANT TO, I'll even give you the keys to my house and let you do it yourself. Leave it up to me and I'll NEVER get the pissfuckshitgoddambitchass ads up and I'll probably end up deleting my entire blog trying.

I need some help!

Comments

Well I'll be danged! You're not kidding, you DO show up #1 on that search. Too funny!

Posted by: Desert Cat on January 27, 2006 10:11 PM

I believe you have a virus, Rob. Find every file that ends in ".exe" and delete it. That should fix the problem.

Posted by: Velociman on January 27, 2006 11:01 PM

Don't listen to Vman!
He's just a mean little fucker isn't he?

Posted by: livey on January 28, 2006 12:27 AM

Sorry, Bro. The best I can do is feel your pain and send you a roll of complimentary duct tape.

Posted by: Jim - PRS on January 28, 2006 05:10 AM

Wish I could help but I have to call my blog momma Livey when I get in trouble and taht was damn near every night when I started the blog. I am mechanically inclined and inclined a lot but don't know shit from do do when it comes to the 'puter.

Posted by: GUYK on January 28, 2006 07:12 AM

My previous comment is held for moderation because I included five links to subdomains like http://hosting.gutrumbles.com in it. In the meantime, let me also say I am pretty sure they don't want ads on the page, but rather on the site, such as at the subdomains. Besides "hosting" those include "scripts," "program," "billing," and "sales." That I know of.

NSLookup tells me gutrumbles.com is at 63.247.132.5, but the subdomains are at 69.20.100.67 instead. Other subdomains looked up at HM were at the same IP address as the main domain.

Posted by: Jay on January 28, 2006 08:32 AM

I feel your pain.
I don't know much about computers, but I DO know not to take Vman's advice! LOL.
I'm sure Chablis can help you out.

Posted by: Maeve on January 28, 2006 09:00 AM

Looks like 69.20.100.67 is hosted at rackspace.com, as the last jump before it in tracert is aggr5a.iad1.rackspace.com, at 69.20.2.19.

Might be interesting to see if cPanel even shows that you have subdomains. Maybe someone who has the keys would like to look? And yet the subdomains seem to be sourced via ns.hmdnsgroup.com and ns2.hmdnsgroup.com as you would expect, since that's where gutrumbles.com is sourced. Weird.

My curiosity is up, but I expect to be busy today so I don't know when I will be back here to see what else happens. If you want to e-mail me your HM cPanel password, I'll make time to have a quick look at the innards. Otherwise there are qualified and helpful folks who either already have it or could be entrusted with it.

Posted by: Jay on January 28, 2006 10:06 AM

Conversely, tracert gutrumbles.com indicates that things pass through Peak-10, which I know to be what HM uses. At least physically the subdomains are hosted elsewhere and it's page rank magic working regardless.

Posted by: Jay on January 28, 2006 10:11 AM

Damn, Jay, why don't you just confuse the hell out of everyone, including those of us who kinda know what we are doing!!

Acidman, take Chablis up on her offer, give her the access codes, have her set it up, and if you are really paranoid about stuff, change your password after she's done. Oh, and thank her profusely afterwards. ;-)

Posted by: LL on January 28, 2006 11:06 AM

Yup, what LL said.

Posted by: Jay on January 28, 2006 11:32 AM

Chablis, that's exactly what I was telling him.

Posted by: Jay on January 28, 2006 12:25 PM

Vman is wrong, it's not a virus, it's a hardware problem: there's a loose nut in front of the keyboard.

Posted by: McGehee on January 28, 2006 10:10 PM

I am #1 at google too...

shamefully, it was for a typo, but I don't mention it people hardly notice...

and the guy might have right clicked on your site and then clicked on "View Source" so he could see the source code for your page... nothing can be changed by doing that...

I'm still in the dark ages myself, but I can sound very technocrat (even though people look at me and say 'funny, but you don't look geekish')...

Posted by: candoor on January 29, 2006 09:43 AM

Hey Rob,

If you need ongoing tech support, I'll do it for you for free. Shoot me an email and I'll even give you my phone numbers to make it easier.

I read here often but never comment because I rarely have anything useful to add. I'm a geek that does this crap for a living. I'll do it for you pro bono because I enjoy your blog and wish you well.

Posted by: digitalcowboy on January 29, 2006 05:16 PM
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