Gut Rumbles
 

January 22, 2006

a healthy blog

People frequently ask me, "Acidman, what is the secret of a long, happy, healthy life?" I always answer the same way: "How the hell would I know? I'm fucking miserable and I only feel old. Go ask my grandmother."

I attribute my current state of robust health to the fact that for most of my adult life, I stuck with the four basic food groups: Caffiene, Nicotine, Alcohol and Cholesterol. Plus, I scoffed at the idea of "moderation" in anything I did. Moderation was for pussies; TOO MUCH was always better than NOT ENOUGH. If I couldn't OVERDO IT, I didn't see the purpose of DOING IT at all.

I once was quite athletic, but I soon realized that exercise cut into my drinking and pussy-chasing time, so I put my priorities in order and quit exercising to concentrate on more important things. That damned exercise still cost me. I was in good enough shape to catch a lot of the pussy that I chased and I married TWO of 'em.

That shit will make a man old before his time. After a couple of trips through divorce court, I realized why many homosexuals are wealthy: no blood-sucking vampires ex-wives to pay. Let 'em start getting married the way the fools want to do and you'll soon see fewer wealthy homosexuals and more wealthy divorce lawyers.

But I digress...

Don't ask ME about the secret to a long, happy, healthy life. I'm more qualified to speak of the nasty, brutish aspects and the key to burning out your mortal coil in a brilliant, smoking flash. Ask someone who knows more than I do.

Ask him.

Comments

Shit, Rob, don't spike my traffic like that on a Sunday. I got a chest pain, thinking it was the Feds for a minute. Thanks, though. I guess.

Posted by: Bane on January 22, 2006 12:41 PM

Forget living a long life, tell us things we need to do in our lifetime to make us grin on our deathbed!

Posted by: Cythen on January 22, 2006 12:58 PM

Finally, someone else that thinks that gay divorce is a way to boost the economy!

Posted by: Florida Bill on January 23, 2006 08:43 AM

When I die, I don't want the mortician or pathologist to admire my physique, I want them to wonder how the hell I made it so far.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on January 23, 2006 04:31 PM

Ay-men.

Posted by: Bane on January 23, 2006 11:33 PM
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