Gut Rumbles
 

August 24, 2005

farts

Why is it that kids, especially little boys, think farts are funny? If they can't fart naturally, they'll learn to make the noise with their armpits, or any other way they can figure out.

I once had Quinton and Jack over at the Crackerbox one night and they both fell asleep on my couch while watching a movie. I covered them both with blankets and left them where they fell.

I awoke about an hour before they did the next morning and made myself a pot of coffee. I was sipping on a cup when I saw the boys begin to stir. AND I SWEAR THAT I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!!!

They saw each other, stuck a hand under the armpit, pointed fingers at each other and started making fart-noises, like gunshots fired with reckless abandon. "I GOT YOU!" "NO! I GOT YOU FIRST!"

Poot-poot-poot-poot they went.

It just so happened at the time that I had a good one coming on. A REAL one. A big-time Daddy-fart.

I walked over to the couch, bent over and let 'em both have a blast that must have recovered some refried beans I ate in a Mexican restaurant a year earlier. It was a WONDERFUL fart. LOUD. LONG. STINKY. I could not have choreographed anything better.

"Now," I said. "I killed you both."

The boys ducked under their blankets making all kinds of gagging and retching noises until Quinton stuck his hand out with a napkin from last night's pizza supper. He waved it like a white flag. "We surrender, Daddy! Don't do that again!"

"You guys stop the fart-wars and I won't nuke you again. Whadda ya want for breakfast?"

In answer to some female questions about whether little boys ever outgrow thinking farts are funny--- no, they don't.

Not ever.

Comments

That is hilarious. :-)

Posted by: Alli on August 24, 2005 03:35 PM

Every time our male golden retriever farts (gagging just thinking about it) my husband says "That's my boy".

*rolls eyes*

I can see, to a point, why men never grow out of thinking farts are funny....but why are farts a thing of PRIDE???

Posted by: blondage on August 24, 2005 03:41 PM

That is like saying men outgrow "fixing" things.

(Sidenote: If you buy a man a multi tool, you deserve what you get... parts of things everywhere, and re-assurances that everything is UNDER CONTROL.)

Posted by: Yogimus on August 24, 2005 03:48 PM

heh heh heh...nope ..it never gets old, does it?

Posted by: Kelly on August 24, 2005 03:51 PM

here, pull my finger..

Posted by: GUYK on August 24, 2005 03:58 PM

I had a girlfriend whose significant other (almost 40 yrs old) - loved to pull the blankets up over her head in bed and let her rip and "trap" her under there. He wouldn't be able to expel any type of gas if he'd done that to me -- at least not until they got the curling iron out of his ass...

Posted by: Lisa on August 24, 2005 05:01 PM

My ex-husband was ready to kill me when I showed our son how to fart with his armpit. He was so little, he couldn't do it with the armpit, but he figured out he could lay down on his back and do it with his kneepit. He was about 3. He's 14 now and we still laugh about farts.

Posted by: Michelle on August 24, 2005 05:16 PM

Nope. Not ever.

Posted by: Jim - PRS on August 24, 2005 07:49 PM

I have explained to my wife a million times -- farts ar efunny. The Three Stooges are funny.
Guys getting racked in the balls is funny.

Posted by: hoosierboy on August 25, 2005 12:00 AM

A man and a woman (strangers) are berthed together in a sleeper car on a train.

The man, (on the top bunk), gets cold and asks the woman to hand him up an extra blanket.....she says...."let's pretend we are married tonight".

The man thinks he is just about to enter heaven and says "great idea!"

She says, " OK get your own sodding damn blanket."

After a moment.....he cuts a loud fart.

heh

Posted by: Wes Jackson on August 25, 2005 12:10 AM

Man, my sides are hurting and my eyes are tearing up. I would pay for comedy like this.

"Stop the fart wars and I won't nuke you again."

hahahahahaha

Posted by: Roy on August 25, 2005 08:24 AM

hey, did you ever wonder why farts smell?

a. so that deaf people can enjoy them, too!

Posted by: marti on August 25, 2005 01:06 PM

"loved to pull the blankets up over her head in bed and let her rip and "trap" her under there"

This is known as "a Dutch oven."

My great aunt Sarah told my great aunt Berthy that her husband Nate used to do this to her. Berthy was about Janet Reno's size. She said that if her husband did that to her, she'd kick his ass so high the crows would nest in it.

Posted by: Steve H. on August 25, 2005 04:59 PM

Farts are not only a lot of amusement, they are an important part of getting out of long, tedious meetings and are valuable in self defense. For a lot of laughs, go to www.freefarts.com

Posted by: Cappy on August 25, 2005 06:11 PM

Hell, I'm sitting on the deck drinking a Sam Adams or two, laughing so hard I think I'm going to let one fly anytime now. Beer farts are the best.

Posted by: Richard on August 25, 2005 07:54 PM
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