Gut Rumbles
 

February 25, 2005

a time for everything

I paid a long visit to my mama today. (Isn't that a strange term? You "pay" someone a visit but you "give" them a call?) We sat in her kitchen and talked. She is still pretty wookie from the medication she's on, so I helped her work her morning crossword puzzle. We finished the entire thing.

The fluid in her lungs is already coming back and the Hospice people gave her a bottle of oxygen today. She's not having to use it yet, but she will have to shortly. She has congestive heart failure to go along with the rest of her medical problems. The Reaper is coming and we both know it, but we didn't speak directly about that.

We talked about my father.

Mama wants to meet with me and my brother to discuss her financial affairs so that we can handle what we need to do whenever we have to. She said that she liked my father's funeral--- short, simple and private--- and she wanted the same thing. She also told me that she has lived a wonderful life.
She found the right man, stayed with him for 40 years, raised two successful sons who make her proud and knew love all of her life.

She received about six phone calls while I was there, all from people just checking up on her to make sure she was okay---friends, neighbors and people from the church. A lot of people care about my mama. I am one of those people.

She's NOT okay, and she's not gonna BE okay. But her spirits are high and she has no regrets. I simply wish that death would be as kind to her as she has been to EVERYBODY all of her life. A lot of the strut I always carried in my step came from that woman. She was a natural-born show-off, too. I don't want to see her waste away into something I don't recognize as my mama anymore.

A week ago, she asked me if I wanted anything from the house. I told her that I didn't want anything FROM the house. I just wanted HER in it. But you don't always get what you want.

There is a time for everything, and she's approaching that ultimate stop sign that we'll all see someday. She isn't afraid. She doesn't feel sorry for herself. In fact, she's still more worried about the people around her than she is about her own problems. I cried on my drive back home today, and I don't know whether I was crying for her or for myself. Maybe both. It doesn't matter.

If you read this blog, you can either like me or hate me and your opinion won't change a damn thing about something I know with all my heart. I come from good stock.

I am my mama's son.


Comments

I know how your mother feels; I don't feel sorry for me, I worry about my younguns, Kevin and my sisters and brother. Trust me, your mama probably shed a few tears for your hurt. Don't feel bad about that! Listen to her, let her talk, let her tell you what she wants. I know you are doing all that now; good luck, my friend. I hope I am not being presumptious in calling you my friend, either!

Posted by: Michele on February 25, 2005 07:06 PM

Did you give her a hug?

Posted by: Michele on February 25, 2005 07:11 PM

Hang in there, tough guy. Think of those who have lost someone they loved suddenly...no warning....no chance to say anything or to share ....

It's hard for you both...but treasure these moments. It's a gift some are not given.

Posted by: Maggie on February 25, 2005 07:39 PM

I'm of the mind that it doesn't matter HOW one loses a loved one...suddenly or not, it all hurts just the same.

Rob, my thoughts are with you and prayers are with your mama. *hugs*

Posted by: Chablis on February 25, 2005 07:50 PM

My mother has liver problems. We all (my mother, father andI) went to the funeral home and picked everything out. Caskets, lining, music - everything. I thought this is kinda nice so I did mine at the same time. I figure it's like getting a new car. I picked everthing out and it'll be waiting for me when I need it.

It's also nice that my brother and sister won't have to make those decisions. I had to do all that for my brother and it was not fun to be doing that when I just wanted to hide in my house with the lights off for about a week.
His was sudden. Her's gives us time to get ready but are you ever ready?

Posted by: Symph on February 25, 2005 07:51 PM

.. your Mother did a fine job.. a fine job... and everyone must pass, sooner or later.... she has done well, and you love her... what else can we ask for when our day comes?... to be respected by our family, friends, and community?... she is.. and that is a great feat these days....

... you guys are in our thoughts....

Posted by: Eric on February 25, 2005 07:54 PM

God hold Mom in the hollow of his hand. I hope every moment she has left is as pain free as can be. I hope you enjoy every moment you have with her.

Posted by: og on February 25, 2005 08:03 PM

That's so much like the conversation I had with my dad when we found out he was dying. It made me cry.
I hope she has an easy, pain-free time, Rob.

I don't pray, but I'm keeping you and your Mom in my thoughts.

Posted by: Pammy on February 25, 2005 08:10 PM

Rob,

I lost my mom in '78 when I was but a lad of 19 years, home from the USAF on emergency leave.

"I am my mama's son"

Takes a man to say it like that, brother. And have no doubt, your mama knows how you feel, and is the prouder of you for it.

I too am my mama's son, and I miss her still, terribly.

Cherish the days, my friend. Each and every one is a gift.


Jim
Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim on February 25, 2005 08:19 PM

She is a remarkable woman, who is facing the inevitable with grace. And, I'm sure that your being there is helping her with the process of coping.

Posted by: Jim - PRS on February 25, 2005 08:19 PM

I sure am sorry to hear that your Mom's health is fading. Please take care and enjoy her company while you can.

Posted by: Kim on February 25, 2005 08:24 PM

Take solace in the fact that you can spend some time with your mom, and comfort her, reminesce with her, swap tales, and talk about your dad, and life. Small comfort, I know, but as tough as a lingering passing is on the parent, sudden passings lay a world of hurt, too.

Hope your mama is feeling no pain, brother. She done right with you boys.

Posted by: Velociman on February 25, 2005 08:30 PM

I'll be praying for your mama, and for you and your brother.

Posted by: Omnibus Driver on February 25, 2005 08:41 PM

"I am my mama's son". No finer words can be spoken from a son to a mother. You have a lot oj support out here, Rob. Call on it if you need it. All the best, Terry

Posted by: Terry Reynolds on February 25, 2005 09:04 PM

I had the same conversations with my Dad a few years ago. Enjoy these times with your Mama. I wish I had found more hours in the days before my Dad was called home. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Posted by: Barry on February 25, 2005 10:04 PM

Rob,
I would only hope to be half the woman your mother is. How lucky you are to know such a positive influence in your life.

Posted by: Heather on February 25, 2005 10:26 PM

You and your Momma will be in my thoughts.

Posted by: Brandy on February 25, 2005 10:45 PM

I just wandered in at Queenie's direction. I've read your blog occasionally.

Just know that I will be thinking of you and your mama. It seems you're a lucky man to have such a good example, someone that you love and feel proud to be the son of.

You are obviously a good son. What more can any of us ask to be.

God speed.

Posted by: J.R. on February 25, 2005 11:00 PM

Rob . . .

The essence of life . . . you know it, and so does your Mama.

I have only prayers, but they are for you both.

Jeff

Posted by: jb on February 25, 2005 11:02 PM

God bless your mama and you, Rob.

Posted by: Mike on February 25, 2005 11:23 PM

Prayers for your Mom and you during this tough time.

Posted by: Kim on February 26, 2005 12:00 AM

A-man,


Stay with your mama. Tell her how much she means to you and how much she shaped your life. Moms love that.

I should tell mine more often while she is still here. I am not a praying man, but I am thinking a positive thought for your mom and all the others who gave everything for their kids. These days, we could use more moms like that.

Posted by: rightisright on February 26, 2005 12:32 AM


You _do_ come from good stock.

You've been through an awful lot of crap in the short (a year?) time I've been reading your blog. I'm glad I did start reading it, because it's helped me deal with some things as well.

My father is in the final stages of Parkinson's disease, so I know very well about seeing the "end" of someone, and having to face it in a hard way. It seems stupid to thank you for the crap you've had to go through, but thanks. Your monologue has helped more than you know.

Posted by: Benny on February 26, 2005 12:38 AM

My thoughts are with you and you mama. I can only hope to have my sons say the very same thing.

Posted by: Margi on February 26, 2005 02:23 AM

It is my heartfelt wish that she gets that often times heard of "second wind", and sees her children and grand children around her one more time. Is able to stop an smell the roses, and then lying back meets her maker in peaceful slumber.

You are a good man and a son who knows how to honor his mother. We want approval from our dads, but we know there is always safe harbor within our mothers arms.

I wish there was something I could say or do to help with what you are dealing with. Guess I will have to settle for

May the Lord Bess you and keep you
May the Lord raise his countenance upon you
And give you peace.

Your mom is in my thoughts...
You are your mama's son.

Posted by: Guy S. on February 26, 2005 04:53 AM

Prayers for you and your family.

Your mama sounds like an amazing woman.

Posted by: Rori on February 26, 2005 08:41 AM

God bless you and all your family, Rob.

Posted by: Liz on February 26, 2005 08:54 AM

Sorry to hear about your mother. It's a terrible thing to go through. I hope she doesn't suffer too much.

Posted by: siso on February 26, 2005 09:13 AM

I'm sorry about your mom, Acidman. She sounds like a great lady.

Posted by: kc on February 26, 2005 11:52 AM

I've never met her but I feel like I know her. Rob, every time you post about her your love for her shines through.

Posted by: McGehee on February 26, 2005 12:34 PM

Straight up!!!

Posted by: Sam on February 26, 2005 12:46 PM

You and your brother prove what a great lady your mother is.

She will leave a great legacy behind when she does finally cross that great divide.

I only wish that the time of that crossing wasn't so close. The world will truly be diminished on that sorrowful occasion.

Posted by: delftsman3 on February 26, 2005 09:32 PM

Rob, I truly wish I knew something to say, but I do not have the words. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers for what it's worth.

Posted by: Dave H on February 26, 2005 11:38 PM

amen,take care ,god bless.

Posted by: cc on February 27, 2005 12:17 AM

Quick or prolonged, it's never easy.

Bless you and your mama.

Posted by: Broad on February 27, 2005 12:38 AM

My husband reads your blog every day. He knew you years ago. I read you last week when you posted about your mother and wondered if your family had thought about hospice. I am glad to see that you have. I am a hospice nurse and I have found it to be the most satisfying field of nursing for me. I feel like I really make a difference in the lives of the people I see. I hope that you and your family use the hospice fully and always feel free to call your nurse, talk to her and let her help you and your mom through this time. We are here and here is where we want to be for you.. I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts.

Posted by: Patsy on February 27, 2005 06:24 AM

God bless your Mama, A-Man. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Posted by: Larry on February 27, 2005 04:11 PM

If she has hospice taking care of her, then she doesn't have much more time..You don't have a job and all you do is blog all day, so why don't you stay with her for more than a few hours? You make no sense ......

Posted by: not buying it on February 28, 2005 01:09 AM

After teaching for 42 years my Mom retired in 1993. In 1994 she got the flu, took a nap and didn't wake up. It still hurts and always will. I wish ya'll the best. That's about all I can do.

Posted by: Ed on February 28, 2005 12:21 PM

It is a blessing to have parents that mold us. Not everyone is so lucky. For those of us who are they will always continue to mold as we age and understand them more and more as we experience life as they did before us. Even after they leave us.

For me it is my father. A good man, not a perfect man, who has done both great deeds and left some things fall between the cracks. We learn from all of this and return the love they gave us in both word and action. Mom was less directly influential to us kids, but was very influential with my father. It all comes together when your lucky.

Posted by: Dishonerable Schoolboy on March 1, 2005 10:32 AM

You and your mom have my thoughts and prayers. I lost my mom unexpectedly in December, and I still have the urge to call her every afternoon about 5, just like I used to. Enjoy the time with your mom, put the future out of your mind for now, and make memories that will sustain you through the times without her.

Posted by: Schotzie on March 1, 2005 01:34 PM

I am so sorry about your mama. Your love for her is a tribute to her.
A few years back my husband recorded an interview with my great aunt. She had a stroke shortly after. The tape of her voice talking and laughing about her life is absolutely priceless.
Just a thought.
My prayers are with you and your family.

Posted by: Patty-Jo on March 1, 2005 01:46 PM
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