October 19, 2004
getting all worked up
I woke up with TWO ear-worms this morning. I had "Billy, Don't Be A Hero" and "Reason To Believe" BOTH running around my brain. Bejus! I didn't know which song to sing in the shower this morning, so I tried to run them both off by singing show tunes.
Yeah. I laid "Oklahoma" on them and I followed with "They Call the Wind Mariah." That plan didn't work. As soon as I got out of the shower, the ear-worms attacked again. If "Billy, Don't Be a Hero" isn't one of the most suck-ass songs ever written... well, I don't know a suck-ass song when I hear it.
I can understand having "Reason to Believe" stuck in my head. I believed that I would be in court today, until my lawyer called about the postponement. That was great news, because I really didn't want to go. I'm tired of being fucked by a system that operates like a got-dam meat-grinder. I am the meat, too.
"If I listen long enough to you
I once loved my ex-wife more than I loved anyone else in the world. Hell-- I didn't just LOVE her, I WORSHIPPED her. I thought she was everything I wanted in a partner, a lover and a friend. I was mistaken.
I learned to recognize enemies a long time ago, and I know how to dodge or defend against their attacks. I see them coming and I take counter-measures, or I launch counter-attacks. That stuff was easy to do.
But I've never known ANY pain so awful, so exquisite and so DEEP than being betrayed by someone I trusted. "Et tu, Brute?" I know full and well what that line means now. I've lived it.
"Someone like YOU
I am happy that I don't have to go to court today. I don't know how I managed to fall in love with the wrong woman, but I did. I don't understand why she treated me the way she did, but she did. That crap is all blood under the bridge now. I went there, I did that, and I am paying the price for my mistakes.
And... Bejus help me... a part of me still loves her today.
"If I gave you time to change my mind
That one is NOT a good worm for my ear.
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