Gut Rumbles
 

February 09, 2004

interesting ideas

Do you teach your children what to do if they think they are in danger from a stranger? The South is a friendly place and I trust most people I meet around here. But you never know.

I taught my daughter never to get into a car with someone she didn't know, even if the person said I sent him to pick her up. Sam had one hell of a scream and I told her to use it if she thought she might be in trouble. Kidnappers want compliant victims who don't make any noise and don't attract any attention. That's why you pitch the biggest fucking hissy-fit you can create if you find yourself in that situation. SCREAM YOUR ASS OFF. People tend to notice that kind of behavior and that's the last thing a kidnapper wants. Besides, Samantha might have whipped his ass. She was a mean one.

We raise too many docile children today. They are taught "Zero Tolerance" in school and they emerge ill-prepared to deal with a world where people don't play by those rules. We're killing our kids with this shit. Teach 'em to fight.

Quinton is 10 years-old and I leave a lot of slack in his chain. He nuts-up every now and then the way 10 year-olds do, but he's a pretty responsible young man.
He's smart, he minds me and he does a pretty good job of being a kid.

And my trolls can get as pissed as they want to be, but I have watched Quinton and Jack out the back door many a time and realized immediately that they were about to fuck up. I could have gone and stopped them, but I didn't. I let them fuck up first, then busted their asses for doing it. The "DO you know what you just did?" speech is always better than "Do you boys know what could have happened?"

I pity the sumbitch who ever tries to kidnap Quinton. Quinton, grab HIM, then start screaming, kicking and biting, maybe gouging an eyeball if you get a chance, and yelling "HELP! STRANGER!" at the top of your lungs. If that ever happens in the Super Wal-Mart, they'll haul that kidnapping bastard out of there on a spatula. 90 year-old grandmothers will be bouncing cans of pork and beans off his head and the South Effingham County football team just might be there doing charity work. They'll show him a gang-tackle.

And there just might be four or five people like me, who reach into pockets and holsters and point loaded firearms at the rat. "You football players get out of the way. We've got him now, and he'll be here or he'll be dead when the police arrive. Somebody call 911 and tell the police to come get this piece of shit right now. And YOU, asshole! You lay face-down on the floor with your hands extended as far out in front of you as you can get them. You so much as sneeze before the cops get here and I'll blow your fucking brains out. Understand?"

"Let's just shoot him anyway."

"That's a good idea, but I say we wait for the cops unless the fucker tries an escape. THEN we ALL shoot him."

"I ain't goin' nowhere, fellows. Ya got me. Now just get that cop car here as fast as you can before I sneeze."

Don't raise docile children. And learn to carry a handgun.

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