Gut Rumbles
 

January 28, 2004

ugly

I put my truck in the ditch yesterday. Yes, I was riding that most wel-maintined dirt road in Effingham county when that wet sumbitch caves in on me. The edge of the road feli off and I went up the the gunnels in my truck.

I was standing the side of the road smoking a cigarette.

A guy diving a 4-wheel-drive Dodge Dualie then pulls out and stops. " Mr, do you meed a pull?"

"Sir, I believe that I do unless I intend NOT to do.spend the night in the ditch on the got-damned dirt road in the middle of nowhere,"

"Don't worry, buddy. I'll get you out.'

He did, too. I tried to tip him $20 when we were unhooking the chain, but he wouldn't take it. "Just remember that it drives better on the road next time you're out here."

Those are the people I live with in Effingham County.


Comments

sounds like my little street on Tybee. Say, if you're gonna stay perma-stoned, you wanna sell me your Martin? My 00-18 and 000-28 need a D-buddy.

Posted by: mike on January 28, 2004 02:01 PM

Yeah, I'll tell you what's ugly, you stubborn sumbitch...Your drugged-out ass attempting to drive.

The road fell off? Jeez.

Think, man. You could be rotting for vehicular homicide.

Posted by: Key on January 28, 2004 02:02 PM

Key, I admire your concern but this dude won't be happy until he completely self-destructs. Having an audience watch it is only icing on the cake. I saw you post that you hoped a weekend with Quinton would turn him around. I hope just the opposite. I hope that boy doesn't have to see his father like this even for one second. A-man may think he's just fine, that living life drunk/stoned is just fine. And it very well may be for a dried up old fuck alone in the world. But his son doesn't deserve this one bit.

Posted by: Irish on January 28, 2004 02:13 PM

Acidman can't be writing this crap. Can he?

Posted by: DavidB on January 28, 2004 02:28 PM

I see your point, and it's vaguely familiar.

I've been offered similar advice.

2 points:

1. If I were in a severely depressed state and NO ONE cared enough to kick my ass, I think that I in that compromised state of mind, I could conclude that I had nothing or no one left for which to live. Sounds pitiful, but that's the way depression works.

2. This man is the only father that boy has.

Posted by: Key on January 28, 2004 02:28 PM

You are right about depression working in black ways and you have reached out to him only to have your hand slapped back. I have a sack-full of cliches and slogans that you (and he) have heard before ranging from "no one will save him until he is ready to be saved" to "detach with love".

And you are absolutely right that he is Quinton's only father, but NO father is better than one who is drunk/drugged/self destructive by choice. Believe me. Having no father to provide an example is better than the example being set forth right now. I think even Rob would agree with that if he was thinking clearly.

Posted by: Irish on January 28, 2004 02:44 PM

Sounds like what we southerners call 'common courtesy' or 'helping someone else out.' A concept that may be totally foreign to some of our countrymen.

Keep it between the lines next time, ya drunk.

Posted by: bj on January 28, 2004 02:53 PM

Just throw a lift job and some 33" BFG's on that sucker, AM. Then you can just drive out next time. :)

Posted by: Mr. Lion on January 28, 2004 03:17 PM

Rob, aint none of my damned business......
BUT: Please get your damned rum soaked head out of your ass! Like Key said, your the only father Quinton has and you owe it to HIM.
Remember YOUR dad...what would HE have told you? [FWIW, my dad would have just handed me the .357 and told me to have done with it and spare everyone else the pain of watching someone self-destructing slowly.]

Posted by: delftsman3 on January 28, 2004 04:04 PM

I don't think Acidman has been posting for quite a while. To wit: in "Wallowing is More fun..." what self respecting southerner uses the phrase "you guys"? WTF? I don't think Acidman would use anything less than "Ya'll."

Second, any southern person I've ever had the privilege of talking to always introduces himself with the southern greeting, .i.e., "Hey." Ergo, "Hey, do you need a pull?" is a much more likely utterance from an Effinghamian than "Mr., do you need a pull?"

Finally, there are not enough true to life details lately. For example, Quinton is usually referred to as Quinton and not "my son." And where in the world is Jack lately?

Anyhoo, just my opinions. Everyone has a few.

Posted by: Renee on January 28, 2004 04:15 PM

I worked with Yankees for 6 years, so I picked up "you guys." I still use "ya'll" as well. Please note the proper grammar and sentence flow of that post. I thought that that would give it away.

The jumbled, incoherent posts are his. He's sedated. If he wasn't, he'd be chewing my ass.

Posted by: Key on January 28, 2004 04:39 PM

I find all these entries after his trip to Jamaica to be intensely disturbing. In fact, it may have started after his company fired him.

I am the father of an adolescent alcoholic, and have spent the last 4 years involved with the recovery process, recovery programs, and surrounded by people in recovery.

Watching this spiral renews my fears for my sober son. 3 1/2 years sober is no guarantee of continuing sobriety.

And these entries don't even have to be true to be disturbing to me.

I fear for Rob, I fear for Quinton, and I fear that any vindictive person reading this could use this string as evidence against Rob. And apparently there are vindictive readers at his unnamed employers.

Posted by: lpdbw on January 28, 2004 05:01 PM

Hey Rob, however much I may dislike your opinions you never struck me as stupid. Until now, that is.

Your ex is going to take one look at you on the weekend, grab that kid up and hustle him out of there just as quick as her little feet can move. Then she's going to call her lawyer, point him at this weblog and file for a change of circumstances. If I were you I'd get deleting.

The stupidity involved in publicly documenting your substance abuse is absolutely astounding.

Then again, maybe we're the idiots and this is just a childish prank aimed at getting attention. In which case your just as fucked up, but not even honest. Either way, it doesn't make you look like a very good person, a very bright man, or a suitable role model for your son. I won't be wasting anymore time here (I'm an EMT and have enough real bloody wrecks that I don't have to participate in your little cyber one).

Sober up you dumb fuck, your about to lose everything you hold dear.

Posted by: Jawja Juicer on January 28, 2004 05:27 PM

Acidman - strighten up! Your whining is unmanly! Pull yourself together sir! .

-tim-

Posted by: tim on January 28, 2004 05:33 PM

If I were in a severely depressed state and NO ONE cared enough to kick my ass, I think that I in that compromised state of mind, I could conclude that I had nothing or no one left for which to live. Sounds pitiful, but that's the way depression works.

Key's right.

Posted by: sugarmama on January 28, 2004 05:47 PM

I don't know the man, but I've read him for a long time. I think Key might have to make a short road trip. Cut to the chase, and stop speculating. Either there is, or isn't, a problem. At least go look, and then you'll know.

Right or wrong - you have to do it. You really do.

If he's pretending - that's good - then you can be pissed, if he's not - then the trip will be well worth it.

Posted by: Sam on January 28, 2004 07:32 PM

This "ain't" Acidman, it is an imposter poster.

Posted by: DavidB on January 28, 2004 08:25 PM

Irish, I'm not sure that it's the drunk&stoned - having lived that way for quite a while myself, it doesn't feel quite right. One can be off one's head but not react *quite* like this...

I think Acidman's angry...no, that's not the right word. He's completely off his head pissed off at something. Probably himself. I don't know, I've only been reading for a couple months. But I've seen it happen to people I know/knew - most recently about a year ago. She's still in rehab.

Acidman, I used to really enjoy this blog. I also thought the catbombing was funny as hell (and shows what happens when you allow good friends access to your website, to um, play while the cat's away, yeah,that's it :). But you have some loyal readers, friends even, who are concerned about you. You are on a bad trip. Let it go.

Get your shit together. If you can't, ask for help. It'd be freely given. That's what friends are for, man.

Posted by: Andy on January 28, 2004 08:29 PM

same thing in LA.

Posted by: jason on January 28, 2004 08:41 PM

I've been to the Black Pit of Despair, got the T-shirt, and scrabbled and crawled my way out again. I have the bloody scars to prove it.

No one can truly understand another's pain, and I won't commit the egregious sin of speculating on Rob's state of mind. Those who do care about Rob should visit and see for themselves, but they should not visit without calling first.

"Interventions" are all well and good, but if it really is Rob posting, he knows where he is, and he knows why he is there. It is entirely up to him where he goes from here, and nothing that anyone says to him will really affect that decision. It's a nice illusion to think that people can throw a lifeline down into the Black Pit of Despair and help pull those lost souls out into the light, but that is all it is, an illusion. It is far too dark in the Pit to see any lifelines, and the only saving grace is a stubborn resolve to not let anything defeat you, but instead to fight the despair until your last breath.

Posted by: Jack on January 28, 2004 09:12 PM

Rob, I've written about a dozen posts and erased every one of 'em. I finally found the exact thing you need right now:

http://mp3.washingtonpost.com/browse/legal_agreement.shtml?song_id=2819

Ought to cheer you up. Okay, if not you, then at least every other guy posting in here tonight.

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! on January 28, 2004 09:14 PM

I hate to dawgpile on a man who's already been publicly horsewhipped, but please PLEASE pull your shit together, Acidman. Lemme 'splain...

My best friend of 20+ years just got diagnosed with cancer last month. Hell of an Xmas present.
He's already had his balls removed, and is on his second round of chemo within 10 days. (they normally wait 3 weeks between chemo cycles, this is how aggressive they have to be to have a fighting chance this late in the game) It's still a flip of the coin whether he'll be here a year from now.

I pointed him to your site, specifically your cancer stories, and especially the bionic Roscoe tales, to show him there ARE cancer survivors, and cancer-related impotence is fixable these days. First time I saw him laugh in a long time was telling him the tale of the garage door opener setting off the Bionic Roscoe!

Dude, you're helping to give hope to a guy that doesn't have a lot left in his Hope Bucket. I hope to Glub I can keep him distracted and off your website long enough for the cranky-but-coping Acidman to make a reappearance.

Like it or not, you're a public figure now. A cussin', drinkin', fornicatin' Jawjuh celebrity, with all that that implies. A lot of people respect your opinions, or at least give a shit enough about you to hear about your life and what you have to say on a daily basis. It'd be a shame to piss on all that good will.

Buena Suerta, El Hombre Ácido... Espere que usted se mejore pronto! ˇTire su mierda juntos!

El Capitan

Posted by: El Capitan on January 28, 2004 09:29 PM

Jack; I agree with you. "Interventions" are something I regard as one of the worse privacy violations there are. However! I will concede that occasionaly they are necessary.

I don't think so in this case. I don't know Rob, but I think he has the personal grit to pull himself together. It's up to him to do so - however, if he insists on making it public (willingly or not) then he makes it other people's business, as well.
Like I said, I don't personally know him; but I think I'd like him, if I had the chance to meet him (at least the pre-catbombing Rob, anyway). He and I share much the same view of life.

Joan'f'Aargh: Yeah, been there. 'nuff said. I pulled myself out (my family was useless, not having any experience dealing with the sort of shit I'd gotten myself into); but my friends weren't useless. I owe them, big time.

El Capitan: Good thoughts @ your friend. Know it.
But! - Rob has plenty going for him. He's just angsted right now. It happens, and it sucks...one can get into a loop there really easily.

I'm engaged right now in a conversation on another blog with someone who just shot and killed an intruder in his home a few weeks ago. He's pretty fucked up. He has no family, nobody to lean on except his internet friends. All except one of us are too far away to do anything to offer him other than verbal support.
Rob, you think *you* have problems? Come on...you're older and wiser than that. Take a grip on your life and wrench that motherfucker around to a better course. Straight on into the sunrise, I say....

Andy

Posted by: Andy on January 28, 2004 10:24 PM

I've been reading Acidman for only a few months but I look upon him as a friend (even though we've never met and even though he might object and say "who the hell is this bitch anyway?")

Come on A-man, we need you. You've got a large, extended family here waiting to hear from you.

I'd give you a big hug if I could.

Posted by: flax on January 29, 2004 01:30 AM

As Flax said. Acidman, you have a lot of people who care about you. who respect what you say.

You gonna drop out on us, man? Are you?

I don't know your situation, but I've lived thru my own version of Hell. I suspect most people who read your blog have, also.

Perhaps you need the "intervention" I went thru; a bunch of friends dropping by and talking me into living, and enjoying living, again. I don't have the resources to do so, but others here do; are you willing to accept them, not just in your home, but into your view of life?

A

Posted by: Andy on January 29, 2004 01:59 AM

Rob,
I am scared for you...just look at a lot of the recent comments on your blog...there are a lot of people who care about you.
Something is terribly wrong here. Think about the people who really matter the most though. Your sweet loveable boy who looks up to you. Your Mama too!
Also, that whole "cat bombing" thing...hell, that was hilarious! To me it was an ultimate show of flattery...it was just a funny joke...it's all cleaned up now and you are good to go. I kept telling myself that surely you were not really THAT pissed about it.
Seriously, you have so much to lose and nothing to gain by whatever means you are apparently using (booze, pills etc). All that is, is an ugly cover-up for what you need to face straight on. Only you can do it though. I just hope you come to your senses soon. You have a lot of readers who are rooting for you and hoping for you, Rob. Please don't be offended by anything I have said. If I didn't care, I wouldn't say shit.
Get well, my friend.
Cindi

Posted by: Cindi on January 29, 2004 04:59 AM

Joan of Argghh! .......... a sense of humor is a precious thing!

Posted by: Marcus on January 29, 2004 08:48 AM

If Rob ain't fucking with us, then it's the CATS that did it, not the drugs.

Posted by: DAve on January 29, 2004 02:09 PM

Don't I wish that's what it was, Dave. You have no idea what he's doing...and it sure as hell wasn't the cats that did it. If that's all it was, it'd be over and done with.

Posted by: Da Goddess on January 29, 2004 02:12 PM

Rob,
Straighten up and fly right. You're acting like somebody auditioning for the wrong side of "Cops".

Pull yourself together, man.

Posted by: Patrick on January 29, 2004 02:42 PM

Might I suggest that the Acidman is following through- albeit in a very odd, literary way- on his threat to quit thias blog? We might be looking at him setting us up for a Big Finish, after which he quietly writes his book while snickering at the folks memorializing him?


Lord, I sure hope so. Cause this is just like watching a horror movie.

"Don't open that door, Rob!"

Posted by: Squirrel on January 29, 2004 06:25 PM

I agree with everyone here, we do care and we are worried. It's time to come back now, we need to read the Rob we know and love.

Posted by: brandy on January 29, 2004 08:25 PM

I'm still sticking with a comment I made a week or so ago. I do not think that these posts are being written by the original Acidman. Will the real Rob "Acidman" Smith, please, stand up!

Posted by: Robin on January 29, 2004 09:00 PM

All of these posts expressing words of concern and love are good however, until Rob is ready to really read them and comprehend what is being said, they are not going to do any good. Someone needs to go over to his house and sit down one and one with him while looking him straight in the eye and knock some sense into that stubborn head of his. Comments and emails are wonderful and once his head is clear, I know that he will appreciate each and every one of them but until then, he needs some personal, IRL interaction by someone who is just about as tough as he is because I have a feeling that it will be a tough fight to get through to him at this point. But it needs to be done.

I'm sad to read this blog anymore. I have a lot of respect and affection for Acidman- I know that he's a fuck lot better than what is being written lately. Depression is a mean, evil bitch that really can transform a person's entire personality.

I really hope that someone who lives nearby enough to visit does so and soon.

Acidman- you are in my thoughts.

Posted by: A longtime reader on January 30, 2004 12:59 AM

Virtue never stands alone. It is bound to have neighbors.

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