Gut Rumbles
 

December 11, 2003

virginity

I don't understand the fascination Allah's minions display doing what they do because they expect 72 virgins in the afterlife. Why would ANY MAN be willing to die in order to bed 72 virgins? Offer me 72 professional lap-dancers who can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch, and you might get my attention. But 72 VIRGINS? Bejus! Gimme a break (and pardon the hymen pun).

I have bedded two virgins in my life. Neither one had a clue about how to please a man and they both were scared shitless before the experience. They wanted to DO IT, they just didn't know what to expect or how to behave. They both also felt guilty afterward. Guilt and sex do not mix well.

It's a lot of work bedding a virgin. You have to be nice and tender and gentle and understanding and compassionate, then hold them when they cry about their lost virginity afterward, and feel guilty along with them.

Piss on that. Give me a woman who knows what she wants, how she wants it and checks her guilt and her inhibitions at the bedroom door when she peels off her panties. Give me someone with some sheet-tangling experience ANY DAY over a virgin.

72 virgins in the afterlife? That's more like hell than heaven to me.

Comments

Dude:

I agree with you. I; too; have taken two virgins into my bed (one when she was 20 and I was 41); I'll tell you plainly, in spite of all the talk, it's not what it ought to be.

Your comment about '....cry(ing) about their lost virginity...' is so damn right it's not funny. Girls -- regardless of what you hear or read -- GET RID OF IT with some pimply-faced high-school boy - just make sure he's sportin' rubber and takes a bath - I won't say you'll enjoy it more -- you'll just hate it less -- and you'll spare The Rest Of Us from your blubbering.

Cheers!

- Will

Posted by: Will on December 11, 2003 03:49 PM

OK, let 'er rip! No, not quite the image....how about: Virginity: not quite what it's cracked up to be! Nooooooooo.....

OK, low puns aside now, I doubt if a male can comprehend the value of virginity to a female, so I will have to expound on male virginity: it was worse than useless, because when I actually needed experience, I had none, and so those first few fucks were worthless to my dates.

Virginity (for women) is probably a remnant of dowries. It used to be that when a woman was wed, her father paid a dowry of valuable property or money to the groom's family. This practice is gone now, but part of the dowry contract used to be that the woman was a virgin, and the payment of the dowry depended on that. We have no more dowries, but we still have some women who are either coerced or convinced to "save" themselves for their husbands.

Rob's right, of course. When the subject is advanced play in the hay, the virgin (either male or female) takes too much of a handicap to the contest.

Posted by: Rivrdog on December 11, 2003 04:37 PM

They're culturally obsessed with breaking the freshness seal.

Posted by: James A. Wolf on December 11, 2003 04:39 PM

I read somewhere a theory that that "72 virgins" line has actually been mis-translated over the years, and that what was actually written was "72 raisins".

Posted by: red on December 11, 2003 04:47 PM

Amen Brother!

Posted by: Gdub on December 11, 2003 05:37 PM

There was a Saturday Night Live skit about something similar once....the monster, or whatever he was, was pissed about people leaving him virgins all the time. Said he really wanted a slut in her 40s.

Posted by: SwampWoman on December 11, 2003 06:31 PM

That's because you misunderstand the culture; for our fervent brethren, sex is not about pleasure (not in the way we conceive it) but about domination, territory-marking, destruction. Funny how much with them is about destruction.

Bedding a virgin -- bedding 72 virgins -- is pleasurable not because of what they can do for you or to you; it's pleasurable because you get to make 72 wide-eyed and scared young women bleed. You're a real man.

Sorry, but that's the way it seems to be. Sick, I agree.

Posted by: Twin Towers on December 11, 2003 06:42 PM

Rob, this is pretty much where I thought you'd stand on it. Which is why I never understood the efforts guys would go to for the "conquest". I never saw the appeal, and thought they were fools for persisting.

And if they are that dumb... why should I sleep with them?

Posted by: JJ on December 11, 2003 07:01 PM

The ladies do have a rough time of it, don't they? I see that under all the sassiness.

Posted by: Brett on December 11, 2003 07:02 PM


That's because you misunderstand the culture; for our fervent brethren, sex is not about pleasure (not in the way we conceive it) but about domination, territory-marking, destruction.

Nail. On. Head.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on December 11, 2003 07:14 PM

Twin Towers posted:

That's because you misunderstand the culture; for our fervent brethren, sex is not about pleasure (not in the way we conceive it) but about domination, territory-marking, destruction. Funny how much with them is about destruction.

True enough. Until prepubecsent boys or tethered goats are involved. Then it's Allah Akbar the Door, Katie.

Maps of the future ought to have a dot on 'em labled "Where Mecca Used to Be".

Jim
Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim on December 11, 2003 07:59 PM

"Then its Allah Akbar the door, Katie"

That cracked me up-
JR-

Posted by: JR on December 11, 2003 08:43 PM

Give me a slut in her 40s any day.

Posted by: Acidman on December 11, 2003 09:38 PM

72 women in one place, virgins or not, is total hell. I've been there - it's called "sorority house".

Posted by: sugarmama on December 11, 2003 09:56 PM

I been there too, SugarMama....only it was called "basic training" (g). I learned a lot of useful skills in the military. One of them was that I could climb them fences with the concertina wire on top while in high heels and sneak on and off base.

Posted by: SwampWoman on December 12, 2003 12:04 AM
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