Gut Rumbles
 

December 02, 2003

emotional needs

After years of study on this subject, I have come to a conclusion: Wimmen are fucked-up creatures.

Men are simple. Give us food, sex, liquor and a remote control for the television and we're just as happy as a dead pig in sunshine. We don't ask for much in life.

Wimmen, however, have "emotional needs."

Those "emotional needs" confuse men because we don't understand them. In fact, when a woman starts talking about her "emotional needs," that's when her husband ends up in the woods shooting guns with his buddies.

"Whatcha want to shoot today, Rob?"

"I don't care. Anything. I had to get out of the house. My woman talked about "emotional needs" this morning."

"NO SHIT! YOU, TOO?"

"Yeah. I can't handle that crap. What the hell do wimmen want? I mean, I married her, I provided for her and I make love to her every chance I get. I cook supper every evening. I sired a son with her. I worked my ass off making the mini-farm a good home. Still, I evidently don't satisfy her "emotional needs."

"You want to shoot the shotguns or the rifles?"

"Let's start with the shotguns. I want to make some noise. Plus, I have an emotional need to blow the shit out of that target over there."

Men are from Mars and wimmen are from Venus. That's because the "emotially needy" bitches hired lawyers and kicked all the men off Venus.

Comments

I sure as hell never uddered those words to any lover, past or present. Well, not while sober anyway.

Posted by: Anna on December 2, 2003 09:36 AM

"Women have a very difficult time understanding that men are simple creatures; You know, look at it this way: for the most part, men are ruled by
two things - their penis and their stomach - and those are concrete, tangible things. With women, the situation gets much murkier. They're motivated by all that right-brained emotional stuff..

-Maurice on "Northern Exposure"

Posted by: TNAR on December 2, 2003 09:45 AM

THIS ONE should have been titled FLACK!

You're full of it. You (men) absolutely have emotional needs. But you have trouble dealing with them or expressing them, so you take out your frustrations with a little target practice.

Now being "needy" is the annoying extreme, and it can apply to either SEX.

ANYONE who lacks confidence and independence is going to come across this way.

But even balanced people are going to have "down" days when we are feeling particularly vulnerable.

I'm assuming that you wouldn't mind a little supportiveness given that scenario?

Posted by: Key on December 2, 2003 10:32 AM

Well said. Thank you, Key.

Posted by: Ms Anna on December 2, 2003 10:43 AM

That's a pretty funny post! But ...

We Venusians still have the fine booty that you Martians go to war over. Heh.


:O)

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! on December 2, 2003 11:27 AM

you don't want to live on venus, anyway.

Posted by: bj on December 2, 2003 11:56 AM

I hear ya Acidman , I don't own a gun . But whenever I have girl troubles I tend to go rent a video game that features armed conflict with realistic sounds of gunfire , I turn it up real loud till it drowns out my frustration with the fairer sex . I don't think Im the only one , why do you think X-box is so popular ?

Posted by: Action Mike on December 2, 2003 12:18 PM

Men are from Mars. Women are from HELL!

Posted by: terry on December 2, 2003 12:29 PM

They maybe fucked up, but I love them and got to have one, at all times.

Posted by: Catfish on December 2, 2003 12:30 PM

her: blah, blah, blah, yadda, my needs,yadda, wonk, i have emotions i want to talk about, wonk, wonk, wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk....

him: >tv clicker< >volume-up<

her: yadda, yadda, but honey don't you feel, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

him: go.go.Go.Go.GO.GO.GO!....OH HELL YES LOOKIT THAT SUCKER RUN...TOUCHDOWN !!!!! YEAH !!!!!

her: [ strolls to closet, returns in Victoria's Secret's finest ]..... blah. i have needs, honey.

him: oh, to hell with the damn game, I'M GAME !!!

Ladies, we'll listen, you just gotta speaka da right lannnnguage. *wicked grin*

Jim
Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim on December 2, 2003 01:27 PM

Women have emotional needs, but men have ego needs. Why do you think you like blowing stuff up? Because it makes your damn EGO feels good. Especially after your ego got bruised by realizing that your woman wanted a little romance in addition to the sex and support.

Posted by: shell on December 2, 2003 01:35 PM

Shell, Acidman is very romantic. I know from my personal experience, as well as his writings.

Posted by: Lady Mae on December 2, 2003 01:41 PM

I really like blowing things up.

Posted by: Steve H. on December 2, 2003 01:53 PM

MB very often has the urge to go down back on her range to exorcise those "needs". Nothing like a shotgun for an opening salvo! The follow-up then is usually dumping clips through an Uzi.

Posted by: MommaBear on December 2, 2003 02:10 PM

All women need to understand men is the following:

Three moods:

Silence
Laughter
Rage

The one that causes the most trouble is silence, because women can't help trying to find a reason for the silence.

There IS no reason for the silence. Behind that placid exterior, nothing is happening.

Nothing that would affect a woman, anyway.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on December 2, 2003 03:49 PM

*silence*
"Whatcha thinking about?"

Aargh... I hate that.

My emotional needs are typically resolved quite handedly by a couple boxes of .357 Magnum shells.

I'm still trying to figure out Mrs. Ogre's... she didn't seem satisfied when I gave her a couple boxes of shells.

Maybe it was the wrong caliber.

Posted by: Mad Ogre on December 2, 2003 04:18 PM

Ah, women. Can't live with 'em. Can't shoot 'em.

Or as my Uncle Bill once told me, "If they didn't have a pussy there'd be a bounty on 'em!"

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on December 2, 2003 04:41 PM

I must have way too many male hormones.....

I HATE to shop and I don't want to know what you're thinking and I really don't wnat you to discuss your feelings........ 8 )

Posted by: Symph on December 2, 2003 05:13 PM

The male attraction to blowing shit up has about as much to do with ego as the female attraction to decorating things with annoyingly frilly patterns.

We blow shit up because we like to, and require no justification to do so.

As for the rest, Kim more or less nailed it. When we disappear into the woods to blow shit up, it's most always caused by a women invading the "silent" mood.

Ladies, don't do that.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on December 2, 2003 06:09 PM

Take another look at your mast head A-Man;"...a ceaseless queat for adoration from people who don't know me." and tell me again how you're satisfiied with "food,sex, liquor and a remote".

I really enjoy your blog but if your count meter fell off or people stopped commenting on your post you'd be sweating bullets trying to figure out how you'd lost your touch. You'd be sleepless and the last thing on your mind
would be liquor, sex , or TV.

You put a lot of effort into your site. It shows and it's apprecieated. You recognize your audiance's appreciation and you get a lot of satisfaction from it.

I bet (at least at this time in your life ) you'd sacrifice your bionic Rosco before you'd shut down Gut Rumbles. You "Need" Gut Rumbles.

Posted by: Jim Long on December 2, 2003 09:16 PM

Women are fucked up? We deal with you men, so I suppose it's true. Yes, we must be supportive and caring with you big babies, promising to never reveal that you cried during Steel Magnolias (even though you've watched it 47 times), and clean up after you. So, yeah. We're fucked up because we know we'll have to do this over and over - and still sign up for the job.

And, Key? You NAILED it.

Posted by: Da Goddess on December 3, 2003 12:12 AM

The problem remains: Women are from Venus; men are from Earth.

Posted by: Brett on December 3, 2003 01:59 AM

Sometimes I go to Victoria's Secret and just walk around browsing to get back in touch with my femininity...since I work in a pool of testosterone. I think that that helps me to have a non typical perspective, or hell, maybe the mold cracked, who's to say.

I like man beasts who are blunt; no sugar coating, beating around the bush kind of man beast. I don't have time to figure you out, so just come out and say it. Now maybe that's the rub with most wimmen- they want you to figure them out. Course that can apply to anyone across the board, which brings this around to what Key said. Needy people will lean on stronger ones for support.

Posted by: Chelle on December 3, 2003 07:15 AM

Hi...Im just surfed in and want to say hello!
Regards George


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