Gut Rumbles
 

November 27, 2003

Emptiness

Quinton is staying at Blood Mountain for Thanksgiving. He showed up unexpectedly yesterday morning to see Oddball and check out the .22 rifle that I actually bought for him instead of me. He wanted to go shooting right then, but told him that we couldn't. His mama was in the driveway with the engine still running in her big, silver SUV.

I didn't speak to her. She dropped by only to pick up Jack, who went to the mountains with Quinton.

I watched her ride off down the road and a wave of emotion broke over me. I slept with that woman for ten years of my life and I never wanted anyone else. I loved her with all my heart. Now, whenever I see her, I want to puke.

How the hell does that happen?

I've fucked up a lot in my life. I've made mistakes that cost me a bunch. But I NEVER set out to be a cold-blooded shit-ass in ANYTHING I ever did. I don't understand cold-blooded shit-asses. I don't think the way that they do.

I obviously have difficulty recognizing one, too. Hell. I married Jennifer.

Comments

Theres a fine line between love and hate...

Nice dog :-)

Posted by: nickk on November 27, 2003 10:40 AM

If it's ANY consolation . . . imagine how much worse SHE feels for having fucked you for 10 years . . .

Just trying to cheer you up!

Posted by: BJK on November 27, 2003 11:02 AM

Some people in the world have the ability to "shut off" their feelings. They can somehow force themselves to ignore the humanity and feelings of the person they are dealing with, and they are able to perpetrate incredibly cruel acts because they no longer have any empathy for the person they are being cruel to.

Sounds like you ex has this "ability", my ex does as well. It is almost impossible to comprehend, and it sounds unbelievable to people who haven't had it happen to them.

Now we know how all the atrocities in the world were committed. They were performed by people who could stop seeing others as "people".

Posted by: Jack on November 27, 2003 11:46 AM

I disagree.
It's called 'getting over it '.

Posted by: siso on November 27, 2003 12:20 PM

SISO,
Some things can't be "gotten over," they have to be lived with.

Have a little empathy, will ya.

Acidman, there's a bloodless cunt in my life, too. I imagine it's a lot harder because you have to continue to deal with her.

But it will get easier. I swear. But you're right, it's never going to go away.

Lamont

Posted by: LamontCranston on November 27, 2003 12:26 PM

Some people are able to get over their pain and move on with break neck speed. Those are the ones that give me the chills. Whatever happened to grief?

In any case, Rob, out of all the hurt and aggrivation, there is your son. Only you can decide in the end if it was worth it,

Posted by: Anna on November 27, 2003 09:21 PM

I saw my X for the first time in over a year walking down the street. It was from the back but I could never forget that walk.Last time I saw him was in Fed court after he stole my credit card identity and lived off me for 3 and half years until I caught him.A few years ago I wanted to puke everytime I saw him. I slept with him and no other for 21 years but now I'm just grateful I've got the chance to start over again.I finally forgave him and consider myself lucky I'm still not sleeping with him.

Posted by: Lexia on November 29, 2003 12:14 PM

Hi...I´m just surfed in and want to say hello!
Regards George


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