Gut Rumbles
 

November 26, 2003

i have new neighbors

A soap-opera situation developed in the house next door to mine about a month ago and hubby and wife moved out in the grand finale, complete with the County Police involved. The guy was a complete, motorcycle-riding, wife-beating, red-necked prick, as far as I could tell, but he had a really good-looking woman. She had a set of legs and a candy-apple ass that made me gasp every time I saw her outside. I don't miss him, but I hated to see her go. She really enhanced the scenery around here.
I've cut the grass over there ever since they moved out.

Today, I went outside with my loving dog in my wake, to throw an empty case box of Old Milwaukee beer, an empty box of Franzia white zinfandel wine and an empty bottle of Smirnoff's lime-flavored vodka in my trash can. That's how I met my new neighbors. What a great first impression.

I started to say, "My name is Rob, and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to the neighborhood."

I wanted to run back in my house and come out with some trash that wasn't alcohol-related, and I did, right after I met the entire family as they ate BLT sandwiches on the tailgate of a pickup truck in the driveway. They were waiting for the electric company to restore juice to the house so that they could clean it up. They said it was a mess inside. I said, "You ought to see MY house."

They seem like nice people and Oddball took up with the kids right away. The grandfather asked me about the property line and I showed him the stakes. "Who's been cutting the grass?" he asked.

"Me," I replied. "I get on a roll sometimes. I cut my grass and just keep on going." Actually, I did it to keep snakes away.

Anyway, I called Oddball and she came to me like the good dog she is. We went back inside the Crackerbox and camped out for a while. I don't have any more liquor bottles, wine boxes or empty cases of beer to throw in the trash can.

I suppose that I'll have to buy some more today.

Comments

I want to see more pictures of Ruby's sister, please.

Posted by: sugarmama on November 26, 2003 02:21 PM

Let's see here. Rob's just disposed of a case of Old Milwaukee beer, a box of Franzia white zinfandel wine and a bottle of Smirnoff's lime-flavored vodka.

I am a slacker. I must repent !

In the spirit of Kim DuToit's "National Ammo Day" (yes, i bought 150 rounds), I'm gonna go to the liquor store after work and stock up.

A case of Keystone Light. A 750ml of Maker's Mark bourbon. A bottle of Black Opal (Austrailian) Chardonnay. (only white wine I've ever had with the body of a good red).

Those, and a bottle of Benjamin Port (great with a after-dinner cigar).

I am not as think as you drunk I am.

Jim
Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: j_seigler@hotmail.com on November 26, 2003 02:42 PM

Did you bake an apple pie to take over as a welcome gift, after all that trash? How about a picture of iced tea and disposable glasses? Men!!!

Posted by: Ms Anna on November 26, 2003 02:51 PM

Need to go over and show her your new dick, she will be amazed.

Posted by: Catfish on November 26, 2003 04:32 PM

White Zin? Oh, no! No wonder you were embarrassed.

Now if you were throwing out empty bottles of Cabernet, that would be different :)

Ole

Posted by: Ole Eichhorn on November 26, 2003 04:52 PM

Sounds like I should be having Thanksgiving with you, Jim. ;)

Posted by: DeAnna on November 26, 2003 07:06 PM

RE this line:
"My name is Rob, and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to the neighborhood."

Shoulda said it--LOL!

Posted by: Key on November 26, 2003 07:19 PM
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