Gut Rumbles

November 18, 2003


To the post below:

I once slept with a woman who did not shave her legs or her armpits. I was attending the University of Georgia at the time and we got semi-drunk together after an intra-mural softball game. She was a liberated feminist and about as full of shit as anyone I've ever met in my life, but I was attracted to her. We ended up in my bed-- the feminist and the chauvinist, tangling the sheets.

I remember two distinct things about that night. First, she was multi-orgasmic and LOVED sex, no matter what she said about all men being swine. Second, having those hairy legs wrapped around me was a complete turn-off. I thought that it was kinda kinky at first, but I quickly realized that a woman's legs AREN'T SUPPOSED TO FEEL THAT WAY.

They just aren't. Wimmen, listen to Acidman. Smooth, hairless legs with pretty red toenails on the end are a GOOD thing. Go for that look no matter what you think about men. Trust me. Even other wimmen think you look like Bigfoot if you don't shave your legs.

DO NOT, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, wear panty-hose with unshaven legs. That leg-hair resembles tiny little worms plastered to your skin under the nylon. That is a hideous look. Don't do that.

I'll give myself an out here by saying that I didn't know that the woman involved that night did not shave her legs until I peeled off her blue jeans and panties. I was surprised by what I found, but it was too late to stop by then. Nature took its course. I was a young man and full of piss and vinegar back then.

Faced with the same situation today, I might say, "Goddam! What the fuck is that shit all over your legs? Get out of here and don't come back until you take some pride in your personal hygene! Bejus, woman! Do you realize how disgusting that is?"

Of course, I might ignore the leg-hair and just screw her anyway. I believe that my reaction all depends on the mood I'm in at the time. I got past leg-hair on a woman once.

I probably could do it again.


Allah is with you all the way on clean-shaven legs. Fur below the junction is liable to make him vomit.

As for this red toenail thing, you are kind of working on a little fetish there, aren't you, kufr?

Posted by: Allah on November 18, 2003 11:46 AM

I'd shave my legs every day for you, Acidman. Only some men are worth that.

Posted by: Lady Mae on November 18, 2003 11:48 AM

I would suggest -- should a hairy-legged woman end up naked near you again -- that you take the opportunity to help her shave her legs and turn it into foreplay. And if she doesn't shave her legs, other zones may be in need of a clipping, as well. So you never know how high up the razor might go. Have some fun with it!

Also, as a woman from the northeast, I can say to you southerners accustomed to warmer weather, that we don't shave our legs as often in the fall and winter as we do in the spring and summer. So if the woman wasn't expecting to hook up, she might not have her legs prepared in clean-shaven form. It's not a hygeine thing. Just like facial hair for men, sometimes, you'd just rather not shave for a week or two. It happens.

Posted by: bhw on November 18, 2003 01:05 PM

Mr. A, that was hilarious! Thanks for the laugh. I know a lot of women here in Alaska don't shave their legs in the wintertime, but I just don't get it. That little bit of stubble on my legs ain't going to keep me warm. I shave my legs every day and keep a golden tan. I admire other women with nice tanned, toned, clean shaven legs. And one more thing, there ain't no excuse for women who don't shave their armpits. Big long, course, black curly hairs are for men!

Posted by: Alaska Kim on November 18, 2003 01:18 PM

I dated a Portuguese girl once, and while she shaved her legs, the armpits lay untouched.

Didn't bother me at all.

So I'm with Acid on the legs thing, but armpit hair isn't a problem.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on November 18, 2003 02:04 PM

Being from the northeast, I agree with BHW. During the summer, all hair except the stuff on my head is shaved every day. During the winter months however, I cut it down to 2-3 times a week simply because I'm using my shaving time to moisturize the hell out of my skin. I don't believe that hairy legs/pits keep you any warmer though LOL.

Posted by: Chablis on November 18, 2003 03:05 PM

Okay, how about if the leg hair grows long enough that you can corn-row it in the winter so it looks like cable-knit tights?

NO.I.Do.Not.Do.That! But it does make for an interesting visual....

Posted by: Mamamontezz on November 18, 2003 03:16 PM

One of the advantages of being half Kenyan: no leg hair.

Posted by: Juliette on November 18, 2003 03:21 PM

Ooooh, to be half Kenyan...

I HATE having to shave 4 feet worth of legs every day. (Okay, every OTHER day.)

Posted by: Key on November 18, 2003 03:35 PM

Ugh. Women and body hair do not mix.

One of the many things I love about Theatre-- all the wimmen are bare from the neck down and generally built like dancers.

I love my job.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on November 18, 2003 03:43 PM

Call Guiness: A hairy-legged feminist got some bone.

Posted by: bj on November 18, 2003 03:53 PM

I'm an Army brat and spent my childhood in Germany, where unshaven pits and legs are the Euro norm. When I was a Boy Scout a bunch of us were on a train coming back from Switzerland and this old lady came into our cabin and she had the hairiest legs we'd ever seen. We made lots of jokes about her hairness, many of them obscene, secure in the knowledge that she couldn't speak English. When we got to Bern she stood up to get off and said, "It's been nize sitting mit you boyce." She spoke English with a heavy accent but she could sure as hell understand what we'd been saying.

Posted by: rivlax on November 18, 2003 03:54 PM

One of the blessings that I have for being blond is the very light hairs. But still, for the sake of my husband and my sanity, I shave everything past my shoulders.

Posted by: Anna on November 18, 2003 07:29 PM

Wow, I wasn't aware so many women shaved the nether regions. Almost every woman I have been with didn't. How odd.

Posted by: LittleJoe on November 18, 2003 08:47 PM

i live in the Northeast also...but i agree with Anna..everything..everyday...even if it's just for myself....

Posted by: Charmed on November 18, 2003 10:04 PM, Rob?

[hands Rob a toothpick]

.........ahhh... I think you missed something last time ya flossed?


Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim on November 18, 2003 10:42 PM

Totally agree with clean shaven legs and armpits and maybe a little trim on the cunt before fooling around. I had a lover once trim mine in the shape of a heart. I thought that was kinda sexy. It grew out and he's gone.

Posted by: Lexia on November 18, 2003 11:23 PM

Lexia, did you have to use the "c" word? How nasty.

Posted by: Alaska Kim on November 19, 2003 11:12 AM

Alaska Kim,
What can I say I felt it an appropriate comment. I felt a little nasty. Sometimes nasty is real nice and sometimes strange things come out of my mouth. Smile.....

Posted by: Lexia on November 19, 2003 04:29 PM

If a guy had used said that it would have been so wrong!
But, I must admit, reading it from someone I perceive is an intelligent, witty and humourous woman, it seemed to be the perfect description that would give at least to me, the image needed to understand what was meant.

Posted by: MARCUS on November 19, 2003 06:32 PM

OK, I'll bite. How does a person living in Alaska keep a golden tan year-round???! The only thing I can think of is tanning parlors. Are there tanning parlors in Alaska? I always pictured Alaska folks as being a bit more down to earth, not high-maintenance.

Posted by: dragonfly jenny on November 21, 2003 07:32 AM

Jenny -- Believe it or not, in Alaska we do get 70 and 80 degree days in the spring and summer. We spend a lot of time outdoors fishing and stuff, and I walk 2 miles a day. But in the winter, you're right, I hit the tanning beds. We have six or seven tanning places around here and I go 20 minutes a day about twice a week. I don't think that's high maintenance. Weekly manicures, pedicures, hair appts., and botox are high maintenance.

Posted by: Alaska Kim on November 24, 2003 05:06 PM
Post a comment