November 16, 2003
I miss him
That my jocked-up football boy. I wonder how he spent the weekend.
I wonder a lot about what goes on in his life that I don't know about. I wonder if the thinks of me at night before he goes to sleep. I wonder how his mama's newest or nextest
lover boyfriend will treat him. I wonder what I'm missing in his life.
My divorce was incredibly painful in a lot of ways. But losing Quinton was the very worst part.
I love my boy.
As I sit here with tears streaming down my face I don't know if I am more angry or hurt. Your little boy is such a doll. I have a grandson, Zachary who is the same age. Zachary would love to play football, but he can't. Because his Mother holds down a full time job and there is no one to take him to practice and pick him up. He wanted to join Boy Scouts but between her job , trying to take care of two rowdy boys, cook, clean, do the laundry , homework, struggle to put food on the table, and pay the bills his Mom just doesn't have the time left in her day to take him to the meetings. There are so many things that he'd like to do, but he can't. Because his sorry piece of shit Father refuses to pay child support or to even attempt to help his Mother in any way. Instead he is living the good life out in Texas. While his son pays the price. I don't have to wonder what Zach thinks before he goes to sleep. He's told me when he is here for weekends. He thinks of his Dad, and wonders why he never hears from him. I do wonder how his Mom's boyfriends treat him. But I don't worry too much, because she worships that child.
While your son may not live with you, he lives with the knowledge that you love him. That you would move heaven and earth and do anything within your power for him. His life may not be ideal. But he has you. He is a very lucky little boy. I only wish my Zachary had a Father who loved him so much.
By the way, Zachary's Father is MY son. Can you imagine how ashamed I am?
God forgive me. I raised a deadbeat dad.
Here's a link to his dad's website, you can see what a real jerk he is. The hylife
I can relate somewhat to how you feel. My brother's situation is different though. He has a daughter (12) and a son (10). Two years ago my brother's ex remarried a drug user and felon. Around the same time, she got mad at my brother and moved without informing of him or our family of their whereabouts. The child support still automatically goes out of his paychecks and is sent through a second party to her but we are unable to find out where they live. Somewhere in Tx is all we know. My brother fights depression and goes through the daily agony of not knowing if they are safe, happy or even know if he is still alive and loves them so much. Those kids were always so attached to their Daddy. My parents miss them so much too. Both kids just had their respective birthdays on the 13th and 14th. We all feel like their mother just took a big ole eraser and just smudged us out.
Acidman, I am so glad you and your mother can hold and hug Quinton. I wish my brother and my whole family had that with his kids.
Cindi in IL
The flucking state of Texas won't even help us get child support. My son works for the state, and has for the last 5 years!! Can you believe that? It makes me sick to think about it.
I would try to pick up the slack, but Zach and his Mom live a good 50 miles from me. I help with money when I can. But that's pretty much all I can do.
There isn't a day goes by that this doesn't weigh heavy on my heart.
That website you linked sure looks to me like something a good attorney could use to make a change in that child-support matter. Bet a family court judge would LOVE to see that.
Hire a P.I., or try one of the web-based searches. Google " people finder ", and see what you come up with. Some of 'em are very, very GOOD at exactly this kind of thing.
Could make for a merrier Christmas.
Quentin is da bomb. He's got a helluva family out HERE, too. Every damn one of us pulls for the two of you.
kleenex time, now
Sloop New Dawn
There is no doubt in my mind that your son thinks of you each and every bedtime.
Jim's right. I look forward to your "Quinton Weekend" entries, and ache with you during the long two weeks he's with his mother.
Every child deserves a father like you.
Rob - I have the utmost respect and admiration for you. You're one hell of a father and I bet Quinton thinks of you all the time. I have no doubt that he will turn out to be a fine young man. Quinton is a lucky boy indeed because he has a good father who gives a damn about his welfare and upbringing. Hang in there and stay positive and I bet you'll get to spend more time with him in the future. In the meantime, just keep making the best of the time you spend with him.
I've always given my ex free rein over visitation with his son and he STILL goes months at a time without seeing him or calling. I blew up at him last night because I know that there are oodles of fathers out there, such as yourself, who would give their left nut to have such freedoms with their child. Quinton is one lucky kid...I wish mine was as lucky.
At least you love your kids. I'm raising a kid whose dad died of AIDS when she was three, whose mother has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, dissociative disorder, and post-traumatic-stress-syndrome. The shmuck her mother married when she was 3 beat the shit of her mother, and sexually, physically, and emotionally abused her until she was 8. Now, her half-sister lives full-time with the shmuck, and until I stepped in, was aiming for custody of her!
I think you should have to have a license to have a kid.
BTW, knowx.com is pretty good and fairly cheap for running down deadbeats.
Now that you have some time on your hands and since you have an internet following at your disposal and a brother who is a lawyer an idea for you.
Start another website listing news stories about violations of fathers and mens rights and link to it. Have a personal page for fathers to write about the unfair things that have happened to them a place of support for them and women who support mens rights to meet.
Ask your brother to draw up proposed legislation that when passed in your state would give equal access to both the mother and the father on divorce to be executed automatically and mandatory. And when the children are with the father the mother is to pay the father child support . Include a petition to help get it passed. Once it gets passed in your state start on other states.
Communism has nothing to do with love. Communism is an excellent hammer which we use to destroy our enemy.
Morality by consensus is frequently morality by convenience.
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
You do a good work, keep it going
The greatest administrators do not achieve production through constraints and limitations. They provide opportunities.