Gut Rumbles
 

November 15, 2003

what's next?

I ask myself that question a lot anymore. What IS next?

I've lost hold on everything I ever cared about. Over the past two years, the woman I loved betrayed me, I lost my home, my son, my goats, my chickens, my farm and even my goddam dick for eighteen months. It's been a rough ride.

I don't know where I'll end up from here. But I feel a tremendous sense of freedom from knowing that there isn't much that anybody else can take away from me today.

I'm doing a lot of writing now, but I don't know whether it's any good or not. I should probably back off the novel and see if I can market a couple of short stories or magazine articles. I don't need the money; I just want to know whether or not I can sell what I write.

I believe that I can. I am seldom at a loss for words and I do have that "ego a mile wide" that this person accused me of having.

I need to know. Looking at the wreckage I've made of my life, I shouldn't have any ego at all. But I do.

I have never tried anything in my life that I wasn't good at. I've fucked up in my personal affairs, but I've never failed to succeed when I applied myself to achieving a goal. I have a goal now. I've always wanted to be a writer and every teacher I ever had, all the way from fourth grade through graduate school, told me that I had the ability.

What happens if they all were wrong?

Well, I'm going to find out.

Comments

Rob - I envy you. YOU CAN write and I should Know ... I've been reading you for a year. Through you I've come to know Quinton and Jack and your mama and your daddy and the way you do (did) your job and the way you take life by the b***s and meet every obstacle head-on. There have been times when things got rough, (for me), and I would ask myself, "How would Acidman handle this?", and the answer would help. Thank you. Don't go second-guessing yourself ... you bring too much spunk to living. I promise you I will be first in line to buy "The Book" when it comes out.
Kindest regards, Terry Reynolds

Posted by: Terry Reynolds on November 15, 2003 11:21 PM

Write that book, Acidman. If you don't, you'll always wish that you had. So do it.... and reserve a copy for me.

Posted by: flax on November 15, 2003 11:28 PM

All that I have read is your blog, but based on the content, they were right. You have the ability. Now have a little faith.

Have you ever noticed that many writers (Hemingway to mention one) have fucked up personal lives? It's as if they put their heart and soul into their writting , leaving little left over for those who are part of their personal lives. That's the life of the artist. Words are the greatest form of art. Words can take us to places we've never been. Show us things we never thought we'd see. They can take us into the dark soul of a murder, or to the hights of passion.
Write that book Acidman. I'm itching to read it.

Posted by: wandalicious on November 16, 2003 12:05 AM

What I have observed is that all great art arises out of pain. I think the cause of the creativity is the pain (the screwed up personal lives). To take an example from my generation, look at how Billy Joel's music went into the toilet once he married Christy Brinkley and became "happy".

I think personal pain forces the creativity, forces one to write, whether it be prose or lyrics or whatever, to express the pain before it destroys the author.

Based on that, Rob, you're on your way to a Pulitzer.

Posted by: Jack on November 16, 2003 12:36 AM

Quinton's 10 now? In two years, many courts will allow a 12-year-old child to choose which parent to live with. Then BC will have to pay child support payments to you!

Posted by: Ms Anna on November 16, 2003 06:00 AM

Mmmm . . . .I don't think you've messed up your affairs. Shaken them up, definitely.

But this is different -- sometimes you just have to trust that things will work out and and make the jump (I know it sounds like a New Age platitude, but it is true) because you have to try.

I wish you the best of luck, but be careful. Don't let magazine article writing cause you to lose your focus on the novel.

Posted by: Anne on November 16, 2003 06:09 AM

Not that you have asked for any advice whatsoever, but you seem to be really going to town with your novel, why back off?
The muse might not be as vigorous if you ignore her and write magazine articles.

Posted by: Beth Donovan on November 16, 2003 07:10 AM

I think you're missing the boat as a songwriter. You could get an entire country album out of your second paragraph.

Posted by: Key on November 16, 2003 01:49 PM

Sending out shorts isn't necessarily a great gauge on how a novel would do, but there's nothing more satisfying than when you finally get an acceptance.

And judging by your blog, you're stubborn enough to keep sending any story out after the first rejection and however many follow (since no one gets published on the first try. If they do, then all other aspiring authors notice, and if it happens at the wrong time, then they concentrate together and the lucky author goes *boom* in a huge puff of envy).

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

Posted by: The Kamikaze Cricket on November 16, 2003 05:09 PM

I agree with Beth Donovan, finish the novel first, unless some short story grabs you and you can whip it off in a few days. Don't let this blog take too much energy away either. I'm waiting for the novel.

Posted by: Daniel Day on November 17, 2003 01:26 AM
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