Gut Rumbles
 

October 20, 2003

my children

I named both of my children. I didn't know Samantha's sex before she was born, so I had two names picked out. She was going to be "Samantha Lynn" if she came out female or "Steven Robert" if she were a boy. She ended up being Samantha, but she was bound to have an alliterative name. I like alliteration.

I knew that Quinton was a boy when he was still rolling around in his mama's belly. The doctor caught him just right on an ultrasound and did a freeze-frame with my boy's little pecker sticking out. The doctor's office put circles and arrows on that freeze-frame and had a caption, saying "IT'S A BOY!!"

I was delighted about that fact, but I wanted to give my son a unique name. I'm not talking about a ridiculious name, such as Dewwanton D'nay or Urethera Clitoris that some black parents enjoy cursing their children with. I've never understood that crazy shit. Goddam. Give your child a name he or she can spell and pronounce, for crying out loud.

What is "Tiger" Woods' given name? It's ELDRIDGE! No wonder he goes by the name of Tiger. Would YOU want to go through life being called Eldridge?

I've been stuck with the name "Smith" all my life. There wasn't much I could do about that fact except give my boy a name OTHER THAN ROBERT that wouldn't have 24 different variations in the goddam phone book. I never wanted my boy to answer crazy phone calls in the middle of the night from people trying to find somebody who AIN'T YOU and get mail intended for other people the way I have done all my life.

I am Robert Smith, son of Robert Smith, who was a son of the Robert Smith before him. My brother snuck in there somewhere and was named David. I counted heads when I named my boy. He was #5.

Quinton means "Fifth Son." I also read a lot of William Faulkner during my days as an English Lit major and I always liked that name. It's very Southern.

Quinton Robert Smith.

If you don't like that name, fuck you. I put a lot of thought into it before I gave it to my boy.

Comments

Works for me, Sweetie. ;-)

Posted by: Stevie on October 20, 2003 05:23 PM

I have a friend who married into the Smith surname. She named both of her children unusual first names so that their lives would be easier, later on.

Posted by: sugarmama on October 20, 2003 05:29 PM

Both are beautiful names for your children. A touching explanation of how you arrived at naming them especially Quinton.I've always had an interest in the English. My last name is Collier and is derivitive of a coal bearing ship "a Collier" My maiden name is Denniston and very Scotch/Irish. I found my coat of arms in Edinburough while giving a USO Show Concert there. My family name was in the Hall of Records of Unknown Soldiers so I went down on Princess Street and found my coat of arms and had it made and mailed home.I'm sure Smith has something to do with blacksmithing.My name Lexia means "helper of mankind" in Russian and the "psychic" in Greek. I am both. Look forward to getting rid of my Collier name. I've considered just changing it but haven't found one that strikes my fancy. You don't have to get married to change your name altho if I should ever fall in love I wouldn't give a fuck if it were Shit. It would at least be symbolic to all the shit that has happened in my life.

Posted by: Lexia on October 20, 2003 06:24 PM

Both are beautiful names for your children. A touching explanation of how you arrived at naming them especially Quinton.I've always had an interest in the English. My last name is Collier and is derivitive of a coal bearing ship "a Collier" My maiden name is Denniston and very Scotch/Irish. I found my coat of arms in Edinburough while giving a USO Show Concert there. My family name was in the Hall of Records of Unknown Soldiers so I went down on Princess Street and found my coat of arms and had it made and mailed home.I'm sure Smith has something to do with blacksmithing.My name Lexia means "helper of mankind" in Russian and the "psychic" in Greek. I am both. Look forward to getting rid of my Collier name. I've considered just changing it but haven't found one that strikes my fancy. You don't have to get married to change your name altho if I should ever fall in love I wouldn't give a fuck if it were Shit. It would at least be symbolic to all the shit that has happened in my life.

Posted by: Lexia on October 20, 2003 06:25 PM

Quinton is a great name. It has strength, and it sounds traditional. I gave my son my maiden name as his middle name, because I came from a family of girls and my dad was the only boy in another family of girls. I wanted to honor my father, so Andy's middle name is Healy. Andrew Healy = good first and middle name, don't you think?
I really think that kids grow up to fulfill their names - superstitious as hell, but that's what I think!

Posted by: Beth Donovan on October 20, 2003 09:03 PM

We used a couple of tests to pick out Amy Raquel for our daughter:

1. No funny initials (RAT, CAT, etc..)

2. Nothing offensive if you reverse the first and last initials (I survived a year of Tick Rengdin in 7th grade.....)

3. No offensive nicknames.

4. A good rythmn. This one is really hard to do, but Quintin (two beats) Robert (two beats) Smith (one beat) is a beaut.

5. Has to pass the 'Porch Test' - Otherwise known as the Full Name (and Momma is Angry) test. You know the one, where your Mother yells out your full Christian name with "Get home Right NOW!!"

You done good Rob. I can't ever see Quintin grousing about his name......

Posted by: Rick Tengdin on October 20, 2003 09:29 PM

Beats the shit out of Dan Day. It finally occurred to me after passing the age of forty that I could just hie down to the courthouse and change my name if I wanted to (my middle name is not Smart), but it seemed like sour grapes by then. Also, at the time, I was living out of the country, and that would have complicated my visa... My wife named our older daughter Reina, so she got called 'Rainy day' in school when we came to the US. I should have seen that coming and headed it off. She took it and ran with it, though. She uses it as the brand name for the clothes she sews & sells.

Posted by: Daniel Day on October 20, 2003 11:31 PM

"Dewwanton D'nay or Urethera Clitoris " - ROFLMAO! One of the funniest things I have read here. Either that or I was just in the right mood.

Quinton is a totally cool name and your logic makes perfect sense. I am blessed with the same first name as my father and grandfather. The saving grace is they gave me Jay as a middle name, rather than Havelock. The only cool thing about that name is he's one of the big names in the family tree and was an early sex researcher. Coined terms like narcissism or however it's spelled. All three of us lived in the same house, so the family called me Jay. There are a surprising number of guys who end up going by their middle name either jst among their family, or completely, because of a situation like mine or because they have a first name like Eggbert and a middle name like Michael. Heh.

Posted by: Jay Solo on October 21, 2003 12:22 AM

I always thought you'd given your son a cool name, but now I know the rest of the reason for it, I like it even better

Posted by: li on October 21, 2003 12:25 AM

Not to be a pain, but Tiger's name is actually "Eldrick."

Posted by: TonyC on October 21, 2003 09:38 AM

I work with a gal whose husband's desire to name their baby prevailed. His name? TIGER. Tiger isn't a fucking name! It's a nickname. A NICKNAME, for god's sake!

I can see it now, she caved on the fucking name and she's forever doomed to live with all his dimwitted suggestions forevermore.

You don't cave on a kid's name.

Tiger. It's a fucking nickname!!!!

Posted by: Da Goddess on October 22, 2003 05:19 AM

Boy, it would be great to have an uncommon name like Robert Smith.

Posted by: Jim Smith on October 22, 2003 08:13 PM

A solved puzzle is just a picture.

Posted by: Osner Miriam on January 19, 2004 06:27 PM

Only when we have nothing to say do we say anything at all.

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