Gut Rumbles
 

October 13, 2003

moody monday

I've been in a pissy mood all day. Yeah, I know... I get in pissy moods a lot, but today was special. I just kept running into asswipes, barking moonbats, whining wussies, lazy bastards, brain-dead scrotum-wits, galloping cretins, walking canker sores, pucker-butted fucktards, idiots on a stick and plain old dumbasses all day long. Goddam! With so many defective units among us, I wonder how the human race stays at the top of the food chain.

My day began with a whimper from that senile old fart andy Rooney, with the bushy eyebrows and the empty brain-pan. I have a 13" TV on my nightstand and CBS is the only channel it will receive. Therefore, I get a liberal dose of liberal news every morning to start my day. Mondays are always the worst day of the week because they replay Rooney's "60 Minutes" drooling from the night before.

You might not think so from listening to me, but I like to be liked. Not only that, I like my country to be liked around the world and it isn't.

Andy, I DON'T LIKE YOU!!! And I don't give a shit what the rest of the world thinks about my country. I damn sure ain't for kissing France's ass to make people "like" us. Fuck that.

I wish President Bush would try to make this country less hated. He could do it if he set his mind to it.

To begin with, we should change our attitude toward the United Nations. There has to be some power in the world superior to our own - for our own sake. Iraq isn't our problem. It's the world's problem.

I TOLD you that the bastard was senile. Let's see if I understand his message. Our President should grovel a little bit in order to be "liked." We should give the corrupt, assinine, nutless fools at the UN hegemony over OUR COUNRTY to become "less hated." Andy, go pound sand. And wipe that slobber off your chin.

When the president spoke at the United Nations, he came off as arrogant and it made all of us seem arrogant. We are a little arrogant, of course, and we ought to watch that.

Yes, as the world's only superpower, we need to work hard at kissing unwashed asses to get along with the rest of the world. Clinton did a fine job of that. We still got 9/11, thanks largely to the fact that Clinton had a throbbing erection, but no balls. Andy, you puff-muffin, you're older than dirt and you still don't get it. In the political arena, I would much rather be feared and hated than treated like a beloved butt-boy. I would much rather be feared and hated than loved by people who want to fuck me blind. In a dog-eat-dog world, I want to be Tall Dog. The rest of the world may hate me and envy me, but that doesn't change the fact that they'll be looking up MY ASSHOLE when the sled goes down the trail, not the other way around.

And if you think the United States of America should content itself with staring at UN assholes while some gelded bastard from Bumfuck, Neverheardofstan claims the lead spot in the traces, you need to be dragged off and shot. Goddam, man! Where did your brain go when you got old?

It doesn't matter what I think, but I think like millions of Americans and they do matter. I was opposed to going into Iraq without the approval of the U.N. Things went well at first and I decided I was wrong and apologized.

Now I want to apologize again. I want to apologize for apologizing. We should not have attacked Iraq without the OK of the United Nations. It wasn't all President Bush's fault. U.N. delegates were infuriating - sitting on their hands.

It's an ineffective, namby-pamby organization. The French and the Germans were against attacking Iraq because they do a lot of business there.

Andy, you are right. It doesn't matter what you think. You are an idiot. LOOK AT WHAT YOU JUST SAID! The UN is a namby-pamby organization of gutless wonders and the French and Germans were doing a lot of business with IRAQ in VIOLATION OF UN SANCTIONS. Yet, THESE are the people we need on our side.

Andy, go to sleep. If you live much longer and keep blathering like this, you're going to shit all over your reputation the way Walter Cronkite is doing now. It won't bother ME, but it should bother you and Grandpa Walt.

That's the first Fisking I've done in a while. It felt damn good.

I TOLD you that I had a pissy Monday.


Comments

DANG!!

Posted by: Eric on October 13, 2003 05:22 PM

"Goddam! With so many defective units among us, I wonder how the human race stays at the top of the food chain."

It's simple, really. It's because government has passed so many laws that protect stupid people.

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on October 13, 2003 06:08 PM

You should be proud of this one. I've emailed it around my "orbit". GREAT!

Posted by: Indigo on October 13, 2003 06:19 PM

Rooney has more talent in one of those wayward eyebrow hairs than you will ever have no matter how many stupid fragments you write. And, Rooney knows editing. He knows how to say things short and sweet. Learn from him.

Posted by: Dan on October 13, 2003 06:20 PM

Rooney can kiss my Cracker ass.

Posted by: Acidman on October 13, 2003 06:42 PM

Uh, yeah, sure thing Mr. Rather.

Ooh, look, a spot just opened up on the UN's ass... better get there before someone else's lips claim it!

Posted by: shell on October 13, 2003 07:11 PM

Acidman,
You might want to temper your feelings with the knowledge that Rooney is a WW II vet who went on bomb runs with the 8th AF (and helped save a wounded crewman's life) and into Normandy as a Stars and Stripes correspondent.
He's been there.

You can despise his opinions all you want, but the personal attacks are unworthy.
Charlie32

Posted by: charlie32 on October 13, 2003 09:27 PM

Keep in mind that the World War II generation consisted of huge numbers of Roosevelt Democrats whose childhoods coincided with the New Deal and embraced the incipient nanny state. It's no surprise they and many of their boomer children now have socialist mentalities.

Posted by: Brett on October 13, 2003 10:57 PM

I saw that idiot on Sunday night. My husband told me to stop screaming at the television! It is amazing to me how people like Rooney can serve their country in their youth, then forget everything they've learned when they get older. If I ever get that stoopid, I have already told my family to take me out before someone gets hurt.

Posted by: Denise on October 14, 2003 12:43 AM

I saw that idiot on Sunday night. My husband told me to stop screaming at the television! It is amazing to me how people like Rooney can serve their country in their youth, then forget everything they've learned when they get older. If I ever get that stoopid, I have already told my family to take me out before someone gets hurt.

Posted by: Denise on October 14, 2003 12:44 AM

Withholding judgement here, Charlie. Stars and Stripes ain't exactly front lines. Lots of USAF desk jockeys liked to board milk runs in S E Asia for the $$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!!!!!! (combat pay) They'd come in theater last day of the month, get a flight then and 1st day of next month, get combat pay for two months, then back to their desk till the end of the month, etc. Motherfuckers got equal combat pay to the guys doing the dirty work, then went home and told war stories. I'm not saying Rooney did that, but glory hounds abound. Withholding judgement here as to whether the legend of Andy Rooney is based in fact or made of whole cloth.

Posted by: Larry on October 14, 2003 09:01 AM

Speaking of glory hounds, Oliver North is rumored to have tried to shoot himself in the foot so he'd get a purple heart to go with many other medals he had submitted HIMSELF for.

Does anyone else see Pete Peterson as a Manchurian Candidate? Poster boy for P O W in S E Asia, true hero, but something went wrong there. God bless him.

Posted by: Larry on October 14, 2003 09:11 AM

Read The Longest Day by Cornelius Ryan, Larry. Andy and Walt BOTH were there, in the first wave.

The just went stoopid later in life.

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