Gut Rumbles
 

October 11, 2003

itty bitty titties

I don't understand why wimmen worry so much about their tits.

I went almost two years with a broke dick. Now THAT will fuck you up. I would have been happy with a LITTLE dick during those months of limpness. Hell, I stuck a hypodermic needle in my member to jump-start him during those days. I had a "fix-a-flat" kit.

If someone marketed an "inflate my titties kit," would wimmen buy it? I shot my dick with elixer because that's the only way I could get it to work. Would wimmen do it just from vanity? ("I really want to impress this guy tonight. I'm going to take a couple of tit-shots before he picks me up for our date.")

I don't care about how other men feel about this delicate and most lucious topic, but I am not a big-tit guy. I prefer wimmen with just a handfull. I like .45 caliber nipples, but I'm not crazy about huge knockers. As a matter of fact, I have known a couple of wimmen with almost NO KNOCKERS who were blessed with EXCELLENT NIPPLES, and I found them to be quite delightful in bed. Big tits just get in the way sometimes when you want to roll around and try different positions.

I like a nice, round ass on a woman. I like pretty red toenails on pretty, feminine feet. I like to drink wine out of a woman's belly-button. I like to perform oral sex on a woman. I like to give nekkid massages. I like playing with finger-paint, whipped cream and mentholated cough drops.

I don't care that much about big titties.

Comments

"Hell, I stuck a hypodermic needle in my member to jump-start him during those days..."

Damn Acidman, can I get an "OUCH!"?

Anyhow, I reckon I know one apple what didn't fall too far from the ever lovin' tree - that Donnie feller is a board-certified "ass-man" too.

'Matter of fact, he's s'posed to be bringin' his bride (you know the one, the Mama of my babies) to the blog-meet, you kin judge for yourself.

That woman has got an *ASS*.

Yeah.

Posted by: Bejus on October 12, 2003 12:31 AM

Tittie shots?! That's a hideous thought.

A male friend of my acquaintance had this to say about tits: "If they're large, that's great. If they're small, they're more sensitive. It's win-win." And even the tiniest titties look nicer than silicon enhanced ones.

Posted by: shell on October 12, 2003 05:57 AM

Wow! You had me right up until "mentholated cough drops"...??!!

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! on October 12, 2003 09:24 AM

HI Acidman,

I always thought you were one to enjoy large fun-bags bouncing off your face.

I guess I was wrong about you.

Posted by: bleeding brain on October 12, 2003 10:35 AM

Joan, if you've never had a "Hall's Job," you have not lived.

Posted by: Acidman on October 12, 2003 10:43 AM

I'm a bouncing tatas fan -- the bouncier, the better.

But I prefer natural to fake -- these women who inflate their tatas to watermelons are just sad.

I think I may have dated a couple of small-breasted women in my life -- just because they were like all the other women I dated: smart, opinionated, sexy.

So: given my druthers, I've preferred DDs; but it wasn't that inportant, really.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on October 12, 2003 12:13 PM

I have small breasts and I would NEVER get them enlarged. If I went out with a man who complained that my boobs were not large enough for his preferences, my foot would send his ass flying out the door.

Posted by: sugarmama on October 12, 2003 12:20 PM

I've got big old massive boobs. I mean BIG. And let me tell you, it isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm 33, five-foot-four, slender through the rest of my body - and sportin' a set of FF's.

I'm getting ruts in my shoulders from the bras that I wear to try and hold the things still. I'm having posture problems. I have never in my life been able to just walk into a store and buy a bra - it is always a big fat pain to find my size. Even then, it looks like something my granny would wear. Can't wear a 2-piece bathing suit, because the top is so much bigger than the bottom. Clothes like sundresses and halter tops? Totally off limits. Unless I want to look like a cartoon character or a whore - neither of which I find appealing.

Going over a speedbump at the wrong time of the month is painful. I can't jog. And, in case nobody ever told you, big tits are HOT in the temperature sense of the word.

Y'all can get as sanctimonious and "I'd never!" about boob surgery as y'all want...as for me? I'd shoot a dawg to get my titties down to a normal D cup. As a matter of fact, I'm having a reduction as soon as I can afford one. And that's the truth! :D

Posted by: kelley on October 12, 2003 02:24 PM

I'm with Kim on this one. So long as they're what came out of the factory, they're fine.

Out of personal preference, I like an "athletic" size with smaller nipples, but that's just the model groper aficionado in me.

Some wimmen do tend to be rather self conscious about their chest size. Some also try to make up for it in other areas, and you'll never find me complaining.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on October 12, 2003 04:03 PM

I don't care what size they are. I have two qualifiers: They gotta be real, and they should be perky.

I don't like the overly large ones, but a handfull is nice. But hell, any breasts at all is better than nothing.

Actually, women, just listen: You have boobs. Men like boobs. Leaving aside the small portion of men who are so damn shallow and demanding that they want their perfect fakes, any boobs will make a man happy. I don't care if you have A's or DD's, they're BOOBS! And thus, they are a heavenly thing.

Capeesh?

Posted by: Raging Dave on October 12, 2003 04:42 PM

Anything more than a mouthful is wasted.

Posted by: Robin Roberts on October 12, 2003 04:49 PM

Hey Joan...don't feel bad. I haven't lived either, apparently. You said EXACTLY the same thing I was thinkin'.
Mentolated coughdrops???

You got me there, Acidman.

See? That's why I love this blog...you learn something nearly every time ya come here. Oh Gawd. No pun intended there...giggle, giggle *snort*

Posted by: Stevie on October 12, 2003 06:06 PM

Yeah, I know. Dropped my 'h'...sorry.

Posted by: Stevie on October 12, 2003 06:07 PM

Acidman, and anyone else who takes an interest in these things--

Vicks Vapo-Rub is the best lubricant.

'Nuff said.

Posted by: Mike James on October 12, 2003 10:49 PM

Yes, apparently I have not lived either. I've never heard of mentholated cough drops, but I think I'm gonna have to try me some of that when I see my hunny next. ;o)

Posted by: Melissa on October 13, 2003 05:35 PM

Acidman's post, and most of the comments, have made my day. BIG FAT GRIN from woman who fills an A cup on a good day.

Posted by: dragonfly jenny on October 13, 2003 07:18 PM

Shapely calves, thighs and ass cheeks ring my bell. All the women I've been in love with (HS sweetheart + 3 wives) had that. Two had large tits, two had v small. All had/have great minds and feisty dispositions. The mind is the most important sex organ. No close second.

Posted by: Larry on October 14, 2003 10:30 AM

I've always been a leg man, myself. Small breasts are beautiful!

A well developed sense of fairness is the most attractive feature a woman can sport.

Posted by: Brett on October 17, 2003 10:42 AM

Cool article!!!

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