September 27, 2003

going straight

I made a vow when I started playing guitar for a living that if I wasn't a star by the time I was thirty years old, I would quit the bars and go straight. That's exactly what I did. But I still miss that party-hardy night-life sometimes. I wonder where I would be today if I had stuck with music. I feel a lot like dax montana:

As bizarre as I found his choices, they were his alone. He continues his music in little clubs catering to tourists and climbers. Meanwhile, I left the crazy music world, settled down and started a family and a Blog.

Every now and again, I can’t help but wonder, “ What if.” Just Damn!

I have a good job now, a "career" with all the retirement benefits, medical benefits, a fat 401-K and all the other trimming that go with it. I should live comfortably for the rest of my life. Hell, I earned that.

But I did most of that career shit because I felt responsible for tending other people at the time. I did what I did because I am a creature of duty, and I had a wife and child depending on me. I worked my Cracker ass off and rose quickly through the ranks. I am proud of that accomplishment, but it seems so silly today.

Everything I worked for is gone. I go to work every day now out of habit. I have no fire in my belly anymore. There's just me to take care of in my life, and I am a low-maintenance kinda guy. I just need wine, cigarettes and a computer. The roof over my head is okay, but it's really optional. I live cheap. I have money in the bank, but I don't spend it except when I buy Quinton a new toy or go on vacation.

I wonder what my life would be like today if I had stuck with the guitar? I probably wouldn't be as financially set as I am now, but I also doubt that I would be so miserable. I was broke but blissful once upon a time, when I laid a lot of wimmen and didn't care if the sun came up in the morning. I lived in a one-bedroom apartment and my roommate was a damn good dog. I was happy there.

Life becomes more complicated the older you get, until it tapers off one fine day. I haven't reached that one fine day yet, but it is almost within my grasp.

Even so, I sometimes wish that I had kept playing guitar instead of "going straight."