Gut Rumbles
 

August 14, 2003

IMPRESSIVE STORMS

I've been plagued lately by a manly, studly little asswipe who calls himself "Buster," (which is appropriate because he makes me bust out laughing), who seems obsessed with playing Ah-Nuld in my comments. That guy is the toughest, baddest-assed sumbitch who ever shit between two shoes, and he did it it all BAREFOOT, because he is just that tough.

Buster, I'm reading my crystal ball about you right now. Lemme see... you are no older than 25 and you don't know shit from shinola. You don't do well with the wimmen because YOU SAY they don't understand you, but in reality you crap your pants every time you think about talking to one of them. You've never done doodly-squat in your life. If you have a JOB, asking "would you like fries with that?" is probably an important part or your duties.

You probably still live at home with Mom and Dad. You have a nice computer in your room that your parents bought for you, and mama makes your bed and does the laundry for her little boy, just the way she's always done. Meanwhile, you are Conan the Butthead on the internet when mama isn't watching.

You want some advice from an old fart who's been on his own for a long time? NEVER LEAVE HOME!!! Stay right where you are and let mama wipe your ass every day while you play tough-guy on the internet. That's one hell of a lot easier than getting a job and taking care of yourself. You might actually have to BE tough instead of TALKING tough in the real world. You ain't ready for that.

Buster, I'm just giving you good advice. Now shut the fuck up and listen to me.

Comments

Whoa Baby! That was GOOD A-man.

Posted by: Laura on August 14, 2003 06:58 PM

Heh. You wish, A-man.

Jealousy doesn't become you. In reality, we are more alike than not. I may have you by about a foot in height, but not much else is different. We have lived very similar lives, believe it or not. And I wish I could see 25 again, but that is a distant memory. I haven't lived with my parents since I was 18 and went away to college, and I put myself through college, by the way.

I live on the east coast of Iowa. I can look out my window and appreciate the Mighty Mississippi no more than 1 mile from me. We have a climate that sucks, and as I mentioned, if you didn't get out in it, you would be a prisoner in your home 9 months out of the year.

I have been rich, and poor, and everywhere in between. I have friends in high AND low places. I am an American first and foremost, though that is not my family's heritage.

Though I don't drink anymore, at one time I could drink anyone, anywhere under the table, and the strange thing is I have never had a hangover. Before I pulled the plug, I would blow $500 a weekend on booze. No, I wasn't buying for anyone else. And this was 20 years ago when $500 bought a lot more than it does now.

Nobody has handed me anything in life. Everything I have I had to go out and scrap for, and the few times that I have been out of work, I started my own businesses for a paycheck. I have mercilessly squashed all comers in my markets because there is not one that will go to the lengths I will go to turn a buck, or win a customer.

I will run faster, reach higher, drive harder than anyone else because I really am the meanest son-of-a-bitch in the valley. Why? Because as Vince Lombardi said - I will always get back up one more time than my opponent.

I never give up, I never give in, and I never surrender. Over it, under it, around it, or through it - I will do it.

Does that make me special? No more than the next guy. But I know I am smarter than the average bear, I am mentally tougher than the next person, and I already know I can soak up more physical pain than the average joe.

Does that make me tough? You bet, dickhead!

Posted by: Buster on August 14, 2003 07:23 PM

If you can see the "Mighty Mississippi" from a mile away, you have the eyes of an eagle to go with your overblown ego.

And any sumbitch who says he ran up a $500 bar tab on himself is a fucking liar, and to claim "no hangover" on top of that makes him a DOUBLE GODDAM LIAR.

You may have stuck that money in a titty-dancer's G-string, but Buster... you are full of shit if you say you drank that much.

I stick with my crystal ball reading.

Posted by: Acidman on August 14, 2003 07:32 PM

Buster is actually very pathetic; getting his jollies trying to bait A-man is a pitiable activity.

Posted by: MommaBear on August 14, 2003 07:42 PM

I'm with ACIDMAN.

Buster, you are what we here in Texas call a wannabe...

Posted by: Blowback on August 14, 2003 08:04 PM

Sounds like ole "Buster" is on anti-depressants to me.

These statements are so strikingly alike because both describe a serious mental illness, no matter how attractive Kramer makes it sound. During manic episodes, the habitually timid may attack a police officer; armed with new social confidence, an introverted woman may brazenly solicit men in a bar. A serious episode of mania typically ends in a locked psychiatric ward.>/i>

Hey Buster read the whole article HERE

Posted by: gmorin on August 14, 2003 08:05 PM

Buster? Hmmmm. One of my employees had a bitch in prison named Buster. He said that guy would go to any length to turn a buck, too. You don't have "Bubba's Bitch" tattooed on your back by any chance, do you?

Posted by: Geoffrey on August 14, 2003 09:06 PM

A-man,

As the saying goes, if you can do it, it ain't bragging. So, when would you like the pictures of the Mississippi from my property? Contrary to your belief, it can be seen quite well with the naked eye, and doesn't turn out bad on pictures, either.

Oh, and I can throw in the pictures of the tree on my property hit by lightning while I am at it. It's still blown to ribbons on one side, but starting to grow back on the other.

And as for the drinking, I am not proud of it, but I am not going to deny it either. I am an alcoholic, and I cannot touch the stuff or I will drink way beyond excess. At the time, my favorite drink was the Zombie. The way I had them made were 8 shots in a glass. $10 per Zombie, as I recall. And the town in which I live does not have "live adult entertainment" as it would euphamistically be called, so it was and is quite impossible for me to have done as you suggest.

But that section of my life was my response for having my (now) ex-wife do to me very similar things to what you have related to us. Hurts like a sumbitch, doesn't it? At the time, I thought the alcohol would dull the pain, but it didn't.

But it did make me stronger. Tougher. Smarter. The most difficult thing I have ever done in my life was crawling, clawing, scratching and wrenching myself out of that bottle. Compared to that, everything else is a snap.

And if that isn't enough for you, then bite me you dust-fartin' geezer.

Posted by: Buster on August 14, 2003 09:53 PM

I'm SO impressed by the Internet bragging of some moron I've never met! Wow! It's SO enlightening! SO refreshing! I've never had it so good!

Buster, your village called. They want their idiot back. Go home.

Posted by: Eichra Oren on August 14, 2003 10:13 PM

Sheesh! Someone learn to close tags!

There.

Posted by: Da Goddess on August 15, 2003 01:29 AM

Quick, somebody get this boy in touch with Moxie...

Posted by: Blackavar on August 15, 2003 10:20 AM

Nothing better than a lets break out the ruler to see who's prick is bigger contest.

Posted by: SageOne on August 15, 2003 11:53 AM

Da Goddess - LMAO!

Posted by: Jeff on August 15, 2003 01:48 PM

Yawn. Doesn't Acidman get one of these, like clockwork, every four weeks?

Posted by: sugarmama on August 15, 2003 03:18 PM

Does Sugarmama mean some particular troll has the male equivalent of PMS, or the web world does?

Posted by: MommaBear on August 15, 2003 03:43 PM

I'm with the A-man on this one. Some dipshit dust BUSTER bragging about his crap not having an odor on the internet...how fucking original.

Posted by: Rumbear on August 15, 2003 03:56 PM
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