July 27, 2003
a matter of perspective
I have been known to "hit" on wimmen that I find attractive. I'll introduce myself, try to gin up a conversation, buy them a drink and flirt. The chance of getting laid never crosses my mind.
I just want some company.
*** I think (perhaps erroneously, but I don't care) that the kind of guy who tries to pick up women isn't my kind of guy. I've never been into the "suave", "wheeling and dealing", cell-phone talking, convertible driving, smooth talker who doesn't have a problem picking up women. I can't participate in some sort of impromptu rendezvous at the beach, with a guy who threw out a cheesy ice breaker while I was completely absorbed with writing a letter. Ugh. Cheese. There is no way to "pick Sugarmama up". No ploy, no attempt, no matter how clever, is going to work. The only pick-up that works is "getting to know one another through less contrived circumstances". Nothing against the guy... but I can't recall the last time I was "in the mood to be picked up". Maybe next year. ;-)
I don't go to church. I don't sign up for on-line dating services. My friends don't attempt to set me up with a lonely-heart the wife knows. I don't hang out in bars. I ain't exactly tom-catting in my singleness.
But when I see an attractive woman on the beach, on the street or at one of those company functions I get sent to regularly, I see nothing wrong with asking her out to dinner. She is free to say "no," and I won't get my feelings hurt. She also is free to say "yes" and expect nothing more than a nice dinner with a man who is not a half-bad conversationalist. It beats dining alone.
I've been impotent for the last 21 months. I didn't ask wimmen to have dinner with me because I wanted into their pants. What was I going to do if I got there? I simply wanted to have dinner with them. I didn't want to dine alone. Some men actually DO THAT, with no strings attached. Some wimmen actually like men who do that, too.
Sugarmama, every man you meet is NOT out to get into your pants. (MOST OF THEM ARE... I've got to admit to being a member of the brotherhood of SWINE. But there are exceptions which prove the rule.) You would be too young for me to hit on, but there may come a time when you're in a strange place by yourself and a polite gentleman introduces himself and invites you to have dinner with him.
Don't automatically say "NO" in a knee-jerk reaction. Maybe all he wants is to buy you dinner and have some female companionship for a good meal. That really DOES happen. When the meal is over, he picks up the check, kisses you on the cheek and thanks you for the pleasure of your company. He'll walk you back to your room after that, make it easy to say goodnight, and you may never see him again. But you'll always remember a dinner that was better than one eaten alone.
That's what I've done for almost two years now. My bionic dick won't change a damn bit of it except the walk back to the room.
If she invites me in for coffee, I'll go next time instead of making some mealy-mouthed excuse about an early meeting I simply MUST attend because I don't want to tell her about my impotence. I hope I meet one who thinks highly enough of me to want to screw my brains out. That would be nice.
But that will be HER call. Otherwise, we'll just enjoy a nice meal.
I have a simple approach: Hit on the
women wimmen that are into cars, ride bikes, or what have you. It's generally the best way to find the mythical Tough Chick, which are the only ones worth bothering with anyway.
Unfortunately, it seems most of them live in the south. Grumble.
I wasn't saying that all guys who try to pick me up want to get in my pants, but rather that I don't feel comfortable in situations where a guy tries to pick me up and I complied with his plan. I feel more at ease dating guys who aren't total strangers.
What you described would be a lovely evening.
Personally, I think someone like Sugarmamma would be wondering what was wrong with her AFTER you didn't make a pass.
And Mr. Lion, there are many of us that are like Steel Magnolias down here in the South...and we are not all biker chicks, but we definitely know how to communicate...
I'm curious - you say Sugarmama (28?) is too young for you - what age range do you find attractive?
And Sugarmama, I didn't necessarily mean YOU in my comment. I was just using what you said in his piece (generically speaking), no offense.
Perhaps it is our ages, Acidman, that allow us to believe that it is possible to walk up to a person and ask them to dinner and expect nothing more than dinner. I grew up in a time when a lady (yes, lady) could accept a dinner invitation and count on an evening of good food and good conversation without having to worry about that some "masher" was going to force her to defend her honor.
I really feel sorry for young wimmen today. They never had that luxury or pleasure. Just too many young men "ya-hoo'ing around" who don't know how treat wimmen, and too many girls who don't know how to demand their respect. Makes it bad for everyone.
You have now become one of the men I MOST admire...
Truth be told, it never bothered me. I'm told that I'm not very approachable, and I always found any guy with the balls to chat me up anyway sufficiently interesting to at least humor for awhile. I'd never go anywhere I wouldn't feel safe with a strange guy, but I'm sufficiently self-confident that I don't find the notion of having to turn down an indecent proposal so offputting that I wouldn't at least satisfy my curiosity about what he was like.
All of that is past tense though, as I'm now committed to one of those brass-balled guys .
Laura: Not referring to "biker chicks" persay, although they can be fun. I'm talking about the average lady who rides a sport bike on the weekends.
Crotch rockets and thongs, not Harleys and leather. ;)
I had the unfortunate experience of my current husband watching the display that he terms "Grenade in a Bunker" pick-up happen to me. At the time, he shook his head and thought to himself, "Wrong guy."
Nice guys don't finish last -- it just takes some of us boneheaded women a while to realize who the nice ones REALLY are.
I couldn't tell a nice guy from a mean one in five minutes. I dated a "nice" guy for 10 months who turned out to be a really mean one. I met him in a bar. That was the first, and the last time I wanted to be "picked up".
Nice guys can finish first. It just takes a while to sort them out.
I have read you for awhile and never felt compelled to comment until now.
I gotta tell you, sometimes your entries make want to jump thru the screen and rip your fucking throat out and then other times you just make me swoon.
Such a contradiction you are. Yes.
Complicating the matter is how often "nice guy" is actually code for "socially maladapted passive-aggressive misogynist". At least in my experience.
Well, Labrat, OUR dinner is off. Try to wipe that chip off your shoulder.
Try to be nice to a woman... see what you get?
"socially maladapted passive-aggressive mysogynist."
The gentle sex strikes again. And people wonder why I use the word "cunt" sometimes.
If that shoe doesn't fit in this case, there isn't a cow in Texas.
*shrug* I never claimed to be a member of the gentle sex. I don't believe there is such a thing. Any woman who claims that females are somehow nicer than males has forgotten her entire girlhood.
But in my experience, it has indeed often been so. I'm not claiming that every guy who claims to be nice is really an asshole, or that nice guys don't exist, because both of those things are obviously not true. And I'm not claiming that YOU'RE secretly an asshole, because I'm new to your blog and I don't even know you. But I've run across more than a few guys who moaned often and loudly about how women won't date nice guys and only want assholes, poor them. And then when I got to know them better, I found out that there was a good reason they weren't getting dates, and it wasn't because they were nice, it was because they were total assholes, just in a passive-aggressive way. They felt that women as a whole owed them sex or a relationship or whatever, and ALWAYS expected something in return for their "niceness". They'd put a woman on a pedestal just because she had tits and divide their time between worship (which is just creepy for any non-megalomaniac) and burning resentment. No woman likes to hang around someone who secretly hates her for having tits, and believe me, we pick up on it.
I don't resent men. In fact, as a broad rule of thumb I get along better with them than I do with other women. I resent assholes, and they come in all races, creeds, and genders.
Sounds to me like you took "Wimmen's Studies" in college.
I don't know why universities don't just drop the pretense of "Wimmen's Studies" and call those classes what they are: "I-Hate-Men-Studies." It would certainly make more sense, and would go a long way to explain the way some women think when they get out of school.
"....secretly hates her for having tits.." Wow! Old as I am, and that's old, I've never had an inkling this concept exists. Does it really?
No. I was a science major. I can't walk into a "women's studies" or sociology building without bursting into flames. It's an opinion based on a couple of years of personal experience that's mostly involved contact with the most shy and socially retiring of men: other science and computer geeks. I met not a few who blamed my entire gender for the fact that they couldn't get a date on Saturday night. It's just plain creepy to listen to a guy go into a spittle-flecked rant about how much chicks suck because they only want jerks, are heartless bitches who squirm with delight at the very chance to reject someone not musclebound with Greek letters, and how women are also tragically stupid in liking these guys more than them. And then, in the next breath, start in on how much he loves women and would treat any girl willing to date him. I'm not even saying that all geeks who don't date much are like that, because again, that's obviously not true.
Why is acceptable to admit that there are some severely fucked-up women out there who've demonized all men and blame them for all the problems they have relating to other humans, but not that there are some men like that, too?