Gut Rumbles
 

July 27, 2003

they're back

I admit to being a shitty housekeeper. (I need a put-upon woman to do that kind of stuff because wimmen enjoy the sense of martyrdom they feel when they are put upon by men. It gives them something to bitch about.) I live by myself and my standards for proper housekeeping are pretty low.

But I don't have any roaches in my home. I have goddam CRICKETS instead. The bastards invaded me last summer and I thought it was merely an abberation. But they are back now.

I have nothing against crickets. They make excellent bait when you want to fish for Bluegill or Redbreast bream, and they sound nice outside at night when they make their courting noises. But they should be either on a fish hook or OUTSIDE. I don't want the bastards in the Crackerbox.

I killed more than 30 crickets in the house this week. They are in the bathtub in the morning and in the kitchen in the evening. They may come hopping down the hallway at any time. They park their asses in closets and in the corners and sing their songs of love at night, which force me out of bed to gas the noisy bastards with a can of Raid.

Why the hell would ANY self-respecting cricket want to be in my house when he has all of Effingham County just outside the door? I don't know. I don't care.

They are here, and I kill 'em when I find them.

Goddam crickets.

Comments

No, I'd rather have 30 Jimney Crickets over one roach any day...god, hate those effing creatures...

Oh...not roaches..."palmetto bugs"...right, roaches, roaches, roaches...ugh.

Posted by: Laura on July 27, 2003 06:54 AM

Did you give the BIG cricket a prominent place in the living room? You know...the one I gave you? (The crickets didn't act up while I was there, remember?)

Posted by: Da Goddess on July 27, 2003 08:17 AM

I used to have those blind "spider crickets"
in my basement. Those bitches jump AT you!!! Scared the shit of me every time. I hate those fuckers.

Posted by: DaneBramage on July 27, 2003 01:30 PM

You've got crickets.

I've got goddamned groundhogs.

Now, granted, the overgrown fuzzy rats haven't actually come inside my house yet, but the brazen sonsabitches have gotten close. I've seen the little bastards prancing around on my back porch.

And my wife thinks they're "cute" and won't let me shoot them.

Never mind that they've dug up the foundation to my house, causing water to pour into the basement through the concrete stairs on one occasion and rip up my lawn daily...

She ever goes out of town for a weekend, I am getting my Marlin .22 with scope and blasting as many of those vermin as I can before the cops get called...

Posted by: Guy Montag on July 27, 2003 10:02 PM
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