Gut Rumbles
 

June 24, 2003

Bedtime story

I'm diving for the sheets after this. I have a busy day that probably will last until night tomorrow. But I have to admit one thing...

I saw that doctor today with a big chip on my shoulder. He cut the wrong things when he performed surgery on me, and I didn't give a shit about his reputation as being one of the best in the Southeast at what he does. He had a Power Outage Day on ME and he fucked it up. I've been without power for 20 months as a result. I was NOT impressed.

I suppose that I could chalk up every bit of what I've been through during that time as a "learning experience" if I were naive enough to believe that shit was GOOD thing. Trust me. It isn't.

Wimmen! How many men do YOU KNOW who get you hot and bothered and then say, "Wait a minute. Just let me give myself a shot in the dick and we can continue with this seduction. Wait here and stay horny while I go fetch the elixer, ready a needle, shoot myself and wait for it to take effect."

I did that. Lots of times. It was humiliating and sometimes produced results that I didn't like. Try a six-hour erection that feels like a muscle cramp in your leg. Try curling up in a fetal ball with tears in your eyes until that evil thing goes away while a nekkid, horny woman asks, "What did I do wrong?" and you can't even talk because of the pain. I've been there and done that. It sucked.

I will never do that again.

I threw away all of my fix-a-flat crap three month ago. I said "never again" and I meant it.

When wimmen come over to the Crackerbox now, they know that they can spend the night and just snuggle with me. They like that, and so do I.

But I hope to have a surprise in store for them soon.

Yeah. I'm gonna get my dick back.

Comments

So when is the "Name Acidman's Robo-Dick" contest going to start? And what are the prizes?

Posted by: Buster on June 24, 2003 09:14 PM

It's a good day in the neighborhood.

Posted by: Angie on June 24, 2003 09:15 PM

So you're gonna trade a 6 hour boner you didn't plan on for a 6 hour boner you can plan on.

What you oughta do is make the dick doc that fucked you up the first time pay for this. Or better yet, make him let you stick the needle in HIS dick and give him a 6 hour boner that curls him up into the fetal position.

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on June 24, 2003 09:37 PM

I visit once, and I don't like you. i visit again, and something you've said makes me think maybe you're not so bad afterall. I visit today, and think - damn, that man is talking about his dick not working, in public, on a blog no less - something so private and embarrassing that most men wouldn't tell their closest friends, and this makes me admire you, for the moment anyway. I'm sure that you'll say something totally idiotic about women tomorrow, and these nice feelings will be shot to shit all over again. But what the hell ...

Posted by: Lee on June 24, 2003 09:39 PM

Trust me....once you *get your dick back*....you'll be fighting the ladies away. All men should have this done....it's the most amazing thing.
I don't know if I'd ever want to be with a man who hasn't had it done.

Posted by: DogsDon'tPurr on June 25, 2003 01:06 AM

Buster, the name's Roscoe....and if anything, I'm guessing it'll remain Roscoe. Or maybe SUPER Roscoe.

Hell, with or without the pump....Acidman's an interesting companion.

Posted by: Da Goddess on June 25, 2003 01:07 AM

Point of fact - I thought Roscoe had died. Since Roscoe is being replaced by Robo-dick, a new cristening should be in order.

I like "The Terminator".

Or we could go for the Madison-Avenue inspired "Dick-o-matic".

Or the absurd "Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger".

Posted by: Buster on June 25, 2003 07:00 AM

"Orgasmatron."

Posted by: McGehee on June 25, 2003 07:55 AM

In other news, sales of red toenail polish skyrocketed due to alert's of Acidman's upcoming "coming out" party.
Film at eleven.

Posted by: LeeAnn on June 25, 2003 11:46 AM

Or the absurd "Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger".

Or better yet: The Might Morphin' Pussy Banger?

Posted by: Victor on June 25, 2003 12:41 PM

"film at eleven"....still laughing about that one.

How about Lazarus? He, too, was brought back from the dead.

Or, Junior? As in Acidman, Jr. because like the original, no matter WHAT he goes through, ya just can't keep a good man down.

Ya gonna post any PICTURES, Rob? ;-)

Posted by: stevie on June 25, 2003 12:52 PM

I hope the surgery works out and you (and she) enjoy the results.

Posted by: Adriane on June 25, 2003 02:55 PM

I hope everything works out ( and up ) for you !

Posted by: Heather on June 25, 2003 03:21 PM

My brother-in-law had this done after he'd had a couple heart attacks, a quad heart bypass and other stuff. He loved it and told everybody how much he loved it. His girlfriend always had a smile on her face and made sure her man was well taken care of, treated him like a damn king or something. You're going to love it Acidman. But you don't need to die your hair jet black like the brother-in-law. He got carried away...... new dick and all, I guess he couldn't help it . The rascal even grew a little ponytail to go with the die job. Lordy... he just knew he was the new Mack Daddy.

Good Luck...... JOE

Posted by: Joewoofs on June 25, 2003 03:38 PM

20 months without a dick, that must have been absolute hell. That doc owes you, definite malpractice suit if you ask me and even if you don't. Good luck with the surgery. And I hope robodick is a success for you.

Posted by: mog on June 25, 2003 05:44 PM

Mog, I knew the odds weren't good when I had the surgery. The prostate has too many nerves entangled around it. Some people come out okay, but MOST don't.

I'm not gonna sue anybody. I don't have to wear diapers (a really bad job will leave you incontinent) and I have a scar that you can barely see anymore (I've seen some that resemble tomahawk wounds).

I just hope he gets this next part right. If he does, everything else is forgiven.

Posted by: Acidman on June 25, 2003 09:28 PM

I've consulted my etiquette guides, but I was unable to locate a the proper response. This will have to do:

Congratulations.

Posted by: Mrs. du Toit on June 25, 2003 10:39 PM
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