Gut Rumbles
 

April 30, 2003

heartless

I like blogs with really off-the-wall names. I thought that "Gut Rumbles" was pretty cool, because it just plain SOUNDS angry and somewhat smelly. I like the grouchy old cripple for the same reason. Go there, jock up. Otherwise, prepare to be offended.

Would you visit someone who called herself venemous Kate and expect to be treated like a Cabana-boy? (Hmm... wrong question. If you look like a Cabana boy, you may WANT to go there, as long as you have some nude pictures.)

Dammit, I'm losing my thread here! Kate does that to me.

Where was I? Oh yeah. How about a guy who calls himself mean Mr. mustard or a bunch of college gals who call themselves the bitch girls? Kindness is NOT US in blogdom. We are issued a fillet knife after our first successful post and we are REQUIRED to keep it sharp ever after. If you venture into OUR territory, be prepared for a cutting.

If you want The Waltons, go read possumblog, which is non-political, rated "G" and all about family values. Lots of interesting historical stuff in there, too. You might try kate's spot, too if you prefer lemonade over moonshine. Kate is so goddam sweet she upsets my stomach sometimes.

Hey, Kate! Did you ever go skinny-dipping on a warm summer night while drinking wine with people you didn't know very well? Did ever you wake up in the morning not entirely certain what you did the night before? You DIDN'T?

See? I rest my case.

If you want a blog that fits YOU, you can find one. Just look around.

But I really believe that this guy has his nerve! What is this "Between the Coasts" bullshit? Blogging from "The Heartland," are we? Well, mister, I believe that you are blogging FAR AWAY from MY heartland, because I live in the heart of DIXIE!

I KNOW people like you. You have no accent. You speak exactly like Dan Rather, except in a different tone of voice. That "heartland" thing is a steathy cloaking device you people use to explain the fact that YOU DON'T TALK FUNNY.

I HATE people who don't talk funny.

Southerners talk funny. People in the Applatachian Mountains talk funny. New Yorkers talk funny. New ENGLANDERS talk funny. Texans talk funny. Even GODDAM CANADIANS talk funny.

But you people from the "Heartland" don't. That's why I don't trust you.

Comments

Amen to that. 10% of the population, joined the Union half a century late and they call themselves the heartland and their _accent_ 'standard'.

a Virginian with a drawl

Posted by: Trey on April 30, 2003 07:06 PM

Darling, for someone who was an English major, you really do need a good beating. It's VenOmous, your Cranky Crackerness.

As for the skinny-dipping and sweetness... I know you weren't talking about me.

Posted by: Venomous Kate on April 30, 2003 07:18 PM

Different Kate. And I don't spellcheck.

And I don't proofread very well, either.

Posted by: Acidman on April 30, 2003 07:24 PM

Where does "Dog Snot Diaries" fit in?

Posted by: Geoffrey on April 30, 2003 07:35 PM

Such a young blog to be trolling so hard so soon...

Posted by: Venomous Kate on April 30, 2003 08:42 PM

I figgered Grouchy Old Cripple was better than chronologically challenged, disabled person with a volatile personality.

I grew up in the Midwest and all my Southern friends tell me that I talk funny.

I call the so called heartland English, which I happen to speak, Midwestern newsspeak, since they must send all the newsreaders to a school to learn that dialect. I have allowed many aspects of the Southern dialect creep into my vocabulary, such as 'fixin' to'. I love the fact that English is such a robust and growing language.

Posted by: Denny Wilson on April 30, 2003 08:51 PM

Gee whiz, I didn't think about accents when taking the title, "Between the Coasts."

My inspiration was the fact that us folks in the MIDDLE ain't good enough for Dan Rather and his friends, nor are we good enough for Gray Davis and his friends, and for that matter, Texans think we're low-lifes, and many of those in Colorado are transplants from the former two camps, I'm not sure about the Northerners, but now I find the Dixie folks don't trust us?

If there's nothing else true about us, the thing that compels me is that we are honest (maybe stupid), friendly, and usually ignored, but that's OK.

You're a good man, Acidman.

Posted by: Carl on April 30, 2003 10:18 PM

Thanks for the link! LOL! By the way - I didn't get 2 kids by picking them out from a pumpkin patch. I am not always that sweet. I have my own pool and I have certainly enjoyed quite a few warm summer nights in it.
: - )

Posted by: Kate on April 30, 2003 11:18 PM

Try being a White African-American with a fake Brit accent (courtesy of expensive private Eton-like school).

I like all American accents -- southern, Noo Joizee, Bahstin, midwest, whatever. Favorite is probably Kentucky, or east Texas except when Ross Perot is the speaker.

Ickiest is the one spoken at Berkeley.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on May 1, 2003 12:40 AM

Kim:

That's it. Remember when you picked me up at Dulles in the GIGO Taxi for Schutzenfest II and we made our way to meet The Mighty Fahvaag, who remains a proud citizen of the country of Northern Virginia? He meant it to be a compliment to me [I think] when he said my manner of speaking English was "very California"?

Well. As a Son of the Confederacy and a lifelong citizen of Margaritaville [as well as earning the title, Honorary Cuban] I was hurt.

You would think anyone could tell a Cuban accent from a Mexican Accent.

I'll bet A-Man, like mysef, kin tell a North Carolina accent frum a Alabama accent.

Shamefull.

Posted by: Dan Dickinson on May 1, 2003 03:52 AM

ALL you Americans talk funny.
Australia is the only place in the world where the majority of of people speak perfect accentless English.
Even our recent immigrants can say G'Day! :=)

Posted by: Pete on May 1, 2003 06:44 AM

Gut Rumbles is in my top 3 for blog names, along with Occam's Toothbrush and Amish Tech Support. No judgement here on the relative quality or lack thereof.

Posted by: Larry on May 1, 2003 07:32 AM

Midwesterners from Wisconsin talk funny, and I don't like it.

You should conduct a vote for the best accent in the USA. It has to be the Deep South. I'm not biased or anything.

Posted by: sugarmama on May 1, 2003 10:04 AM

I'm so HURT by your comments, Acidman. I didn't choose to be born and raised in Nebraska.

You're the first to ever suggest that I'm not a worthwhile person because I "don't talk funny".

:(

Posted by: Patti B on May 1, 2003 11:39 AM

People from the heartland don't talk funny?! Uh ... have you seen the movie "Fargo"? Or talked with anyone from Wisconsin lately?

Posted by: dragonfly jenny on May 1, 2003 01:59 PM

Dan Rather? Didn't he used to be from Texas?

Posted by: Kevin McGehee on May 1, 2003 06:15 PM

Yeah, but we're even more ashamed of Dan Rather than the Dixie Chicks are of GWB.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on May 1, 2003 10:45 PM

Dammit Acidman! I don't know how far away over yonder is. I'll have to ask my buddy Wahoo. He grew up in South Carolina. It prob'ly has sumpin' to do with over that hill, by the burned out tree. Ya cain't miss it.

Posted by: Denny Wilson on May 3, 2003 04:21 PM

Hi...Im just surfed in and want to say hello!
Regards George


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Posted by: sexshop on January 1, 2004 10:07 AM

Underestimation is a two-way street.

Posted by: Hartka Rebecca on January 22, 2004 01:21 AM

The meaning of life is that it stops.

Posted by: Mezey Jennifer on May 3, 2004 01:18 PM
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