Gut Rumbles
 

April 18, 2003

I have a big day planned

I need to clean my house, cut my grass, change the oil in my truck, go to the grocery store and pick up my son today. I should be energized as I write... BUT...

* It started to rain a few minutes ago. I went outside to feel the rain on my semi-nekkid body. As soon as I stepped out the door, the rain stopped. I went back inside after that.

* If I am ever reincarnated, I want to come back as a dog. I want to spend my entire life sleeping 16 hours every day, pissing on bushes when I feel like it and licking my own balls most of my waking hours. That's a good life.

* If I am ever reincarnated, I don't want to come back as a mosquito. They don't live long around the Crackerbox. Do mosquitoes have balls?

* I have a dead battery in my driveway. Will it be reincarnated? Will it come back as a 9-volt next time?

* This is Easter weekend. Today is Good Friday. If you study the story, Jesus died today and was reincarnated as HIMSELF on Sunday. If I am reincarnated, I don't want to come back as myself again. Been there, done that. I don't want to do it again. I want to be a dog next time around.

* That stupid Chihuahua next door was very bad in a previous life. It came back as a large rat that thinks it's a dog. I should have let the ants have it last summer. Dumbass, barking, piss-all-over-itself critter.

* If I can't be a dog in my next life, I want to be a good-looking woman. I'll give the word "slut" an entire new meaning.

* Sometimes in the woods, you need toilet paper more than you need food. But I don't want to be reincarnated as a roll of Charmin. Been there, done that. Once is enough.

* If I die and go to hell, I want a seat next to the fire. And a tall glass of lemonade. With ice.

* Did I mention that I was bored?

Comments

and I thought I had a ball fetish! muwhahahah A-man you could be gay!!!!! lol, (running away now as fast as I can, damn these tubes.......)

Posted by: Zander on April 18, 2003 08:35 AM

ooops I am a very humble and apologetic zander. A dude is the most manly heterosexual person in the world. Why his his dick is sooooooo big it makes a New Guinea tribesman hang his head in shame. It is such a bastion of pure adult manliness that women everywhere fall faint at just the suggestion of having a peek, and men everywhere cower in the corner in fear. No manlier a stud ever existed. (there does that make up for it?)

Posted by: Zander on April 18, 2003 09:06 AM

Zan, do you remember the Sears catalogue picture of the guy in boxer shorts with the head of his lengthy pecker hanging out the bottom of his boxers? You probably don't because that was LONG ago.

But that guy was ME!

Posted by: Acidman on April 18, 2003 09:31 AM

I DO! I DO! And that was YOU, A-Man?

BTW -- better watch out what you wish for in your next life. You may get it!!!! Trust me, you don't want to be a dog. That would be regressing down, since you are a human in this life. I'd bet on "Famous as hell", since that is a true wish (I think). Then you can learn what Karma has in store for you in order to deal with such fame!!!!

Posted by: Indigo on April 18, 2003 10:19 AM

In the USAF, someone would say they wanted to be reincarnated as an officer's wife. The comeback would always be, "I want to be an officer's wife's DOG!"

Posted by: Larry on April 18, 2003 12:55 PM
Post a comment