Gut Rumbles

March 04, 2005

must be blood on the moon

I just thought of ten people that I would like to strangle with my bare hands. Don't ask me WHY I thought such a thing. I don't know. But I did. I'm too old and decrepit to actually strangle anybody anymore, but here's my list anyway. (not in any particular order)

* Barry Manilow, and if you have to ask why, I want to strangle you, too.

* Jimmy Carter, and if you have to ask why, you must have voted for John Kerry.

* Al Sharpton. Just because, that's why.

* Dan Rather. Never mind. Somebody beat me to that one. He choked on some paper, didn't he?

* Hillary Clinton. I believe that she's the Antichrist, but I'd be afraid to try to choke her. She might nut-kick me, head-butt me and them rip my still-beating heart out of my chest and EAT IT in front of me.

* Bill Clinton. I could probably handle him if he didn't sic his wife on me.

* Richard Simmons, just because he deserves it.

* Carrot Top. I can't help it. I HATE that guy.

*The Jogger Dude. I've mentioned him in earlier posts, that running bastard from somewhere down the street. He does about 20 laps around the neighborhood every day. He resembles John Clease without a moustache and I am certain that he expects to live forever. That's why I want to strangle him.

*Molly Ivans. I'm not sure that I have the hand-span to make it around her wattled neck, but I would like to try. Bloviating, bovine, babbling bitch.

If I were 30 years younger, if I hadn't smoked all those cigarettes, if I hadn't gotten drunk so much, if I had watched my diet better and if I could jog 20 laps around the neighborhood every day, some of those people might be in trouble. But they are safe, for now.

I'm worried that Carrot Top might whip my ass, and I'd NEVER live that down.


HA HA HA....awesome list.... everyone should have one!

Posted by: Princess Cat on March 4, 2005 10:53 PM

I would add my contractor and Jesse Jackson.

Posted by: Catfish on March 4, 2005 10:53 PM

Excellent list!!! I'd have thrown Michael Moore in there to boot...

Posted by: JimA on March 4, 2005 11:07 PM

Oh. Oh. Oh. You caught me at the right time. Listening to the consumate bullshit on Nightline about mother angst right now. That's another rant.

Hillary. I will actively campaign against her if she runs. Her past educational bullshit, with the childrens project and mastery and cradle to grave outcomes crap make her one of the antichrists for me. She scares me way more than her d* of a husband.
We have a guy we call the *unPC*lesbian man (my kids called him that forever) who jogs year round in silk boxers and no shirt. We've, in 15 years, have yet to see him fully dressed. He has flabby thighs and it's all I can do to not run him over on the way to work.

Posted by: Kim on March 5, 2005 12:04 AM


you'd have Carrot Top no problem.

I say this while trying not to puke...


Posted by: Gina on March 5, 2005 12:07 AM

And, please. A disclaimer on my jogger post. I wasn't trying to be rude or disruptive.

Crap. You can delete that if you'd like.

Posted by: Kim on March 5, 2005 12:27 AM

And, one more thing, while I wait for my kids to get home from college for the weekend can you tell I'm blathering.

Molly Ivins is an obvious, nonsubtle Texas Austinian irritant. She has her moments of humor, but is still just another remnant of Ann Richardsonian crud left over.

Posted by: Kim on March 5, 2005 12:37 AM

maureen dowd should bethere somewhere-nancy pelosi--ted kennedy--aw jeez rob-way more than ten

Posted by: mikeymom on March 5, 2005 12:51 AM

Yeah, I'd add Jesse Jackson too........and don't EVER talk about wishing you never drank that much!

Posted by: Maeve on March 5, 2005 12:52 AM

Yeah, I'd add Jesse Jackson too........and don't EVER talk about wishing you never drank that much!

Posted by: Maeve on March 5, 2005 12:53 AM

hillary scares the turds out of me! The Bitch should be number one A-Man! Not that you would need help, but I would.....
michael moore comes in a close second, the fat fuck can't go piss without two bodyguards and another to pull the little pecker from its hidey hole..

Posted by: murry on March 5, 2005 01:44 AM

Mikeymom got Maureen Dowd, Nancy Pelosi, and Ted Kennedy. I think I'd also add Streisand and Eleanor Clift.

Posted by: Jim - PRS on March 5, 2005 05:53 AM

I'm amazed you stopped at 10.

But seriously, Carrot Top? Besides those stupid AT&T commercials, what's he ever done?

Gilbert Gottfried is *far* more annoying.

Posted by: rosignol on March 5, 2005 06:06 AM

Rob, I went to high school with Carrot-Top. He was as fucked-up then as he is now. He used to screw one of the daughters of the Willette family that lived nextdoor (they had five in surplus). The Willette's only son, Johnny, didn't think much of him.

He used to drive around in an old dark blue Chevy Chevelle, the left rear quarter window was busted out and it had one mag wheel on it. No mufflers. I never could understand how he got away with it. If I so much as left my driveway with an expired inspection sticker, I'd get nailed. Carrot pulled it off with aplomb.

Posted by: Richthofen on March 5, 2005 07:42 AM

Right on about the jogger. The unnecessarily demonstrative practice of many runners is a demonstration of vanity.

Posted by: Brett on March 5, 2005 08:58 AM

I don't do strangling -- a good whomp upside the head (or seven) with a Louisville Slugger or a big shovel, that's what I'd use.

I guess I'm too merciful.

Posted by: McGehee on March 5, 2005 09:01 AM

Mostly agree, but I like Carrot Top and Sharpton. It's amusing to see Al make a fool of himself. He keeps the N-word alive.

Posted by: Ivan Ivanovich on March 5, 2005 09:09 AM

Just make sure he doesn't hav his props; Carrot is harmless without them.

Posted by: Mark on March 5, 2005 09:13 AM

Hey, I like Barry Manilow. I've always considered him more of a regular person unlike Hollywood or rock types. I saw him interviewed on TV the other day and he said that he has had only one pair of panties thrown at him--and, they were an extremely large size and probably a joke.

I'm sure that we could replace Manilow with some jerk singer that backs the Democrats--like Barbra Streisand.

Carrrot Top stays on the list.

Posted by: Woody on March 5, 2005 09:22 AM

You can't off all the moonbats, otherwise who would entertain us? Me, I'd keep Sharpton, but Boxer and Feinstein gotta go!

Posted by: Ed on March 5, 2005 10:40 AM

Teh-re-ZAH Heinz--------hold the Kerry

Posted by: Billy Budd on March 5, 2005 11:11 AM

Pleeeeeeeeeease put Pelosi on your list!

She totally PEEVES ME!

Posted by: Maggie on March 5, 2005 01:35 PM

The trouble with a Top Ten list like this is, as soon as you cross someone off, somebody else goes and gets themselves put on in the other guy's place.

Posted by: McGehee on March 5, 2005 06:01 PM
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